Just B...

Broken

This morning, as some of you already know, Little Man and I had to say goodbye to our Great Pyrenees mix, Emmie.  I had been putting off bringing in Emmie for the entire summer, but this morning I could see it was definitely time. 

Emmie was not the most exciting or energetic dog in the world, but we loved her.  

Driving home after telling Emmie goodbye a startling thought came to mind. Here I was, crying for the loss of my pet who I had been part of our life for years, which is understandable.

But how often do I shed tears (or even think twice) about the human loss and pain in the world around me?

For the elderly sitting in rest-homes with no one to care for them. For the women and children in other countries that are bought and sold as property.  For the children in our country that don't know what it's like to have someone love them unconditionally. For those individuals struggling with mental illness. For those families with special needs children that they love, but who feel overwhelmed.

 When we love, we open ourselves up to great joy, as well as great pain. There is no 'together forever' on this side of Heaven. And so, we must weigh our options. 

Is caring (loving) someone outside of ourselves worth the risk? I think it is.

Thanks Emmie for reminding me of that.

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

 but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

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Freebie Friday!

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Beauty from Ashes

Much like the ferns that first spring up after a fire, adoption is new life springing from great loss.

Baby B is losing everything that is familiar to her. She will be losing her country, her cuisine, her creche (the only family she has ever known), her language.  Things will smell differently, the bed will feel different, the food, the trees,  and the people will be different. The natural rhythm of her day will change (Midwestern time flows at a different rate than Haitian time). 

Even the air smells different.

When I visit Haiti, it is a complete culture shock.  I spend most of my time reaching back into the far corners of my mind trying to remember my high school French so that I can communicate with those around me somewhat. Baby B will not have that luxury. She has no prior knowledge to access. Just as she is beginning to get a good grasp on her birth language and being able to communicate her needs- we are taking that away from her. 

How do you explain to a two year old that it will all be okay? That you are there to take care of her. That she will grow to love her new family, and her new home? That soon she will understand her new 'normal'? That this time you will stay forever?

 You hold your breath and tread lightly. You move slowly. You carefully dole out all of your stored up affection in little bits. You cry with her when she grieves a loss that she can't yet understand. You laugh together at the little things. You celebrate little successes. You give her room, but stay close. You run whenever she calls. You waltz together in that dance called becoming a family.

 To say that I am excited about the idea of my little girl coming home within the next couple of months would be an understatement. We are so close now. I am so happy that my girl will soon be home. I can hardly wait to shower her with love, and to be her mom. Little Man has a whole list of things that he wants to teach his baby sister. We are going to have so much fun together! 

But it's important for me not to forget all that she's come from, because that also will be with her throughout her life. 

My precious little Baby B. 

3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

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Gentlemen (and Women) Start Your Engines!

The school year is starting, I have a crazy schedule for the new year, and my baby is still not home. Just when I had reached the absolute bottom in the waiting game (emotional, and mentally) I received an email that changed everything.

We have been cleared through another office, and things are looking good. 

Baby B should be home before the snow flies.

The wild ride is nearly over.

There are still a few hurdles to clear. I have to calculate how many weeks of time off I can afford. I'm praying that I will be able to stay home for at least ten to twelve weeks. I know it will be important for her to have that amount of time with me to feel that I am really mom and that I am not leaving her forever when I go back to work. I need to get all of my sub plans ready for the time I will be gone (A little know teacher secret: We plan all of the lessons even when we are gone for an extended amount of time and we grade the work that's done while we are gone as well.)

I am praying that when we do go to pick her up, she will still be open to accepting us into her little heart as family.

For my children's safety I won't be putting our exact travel dates when we do go(for obvious reasons). But it's getting really close now. Within the next couple of months.

Anyone want to join me in doing a happy dance?!

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Just B...

...Up

Do you ever get tired of running into those 'bumps' in the road of life? I do. If I had it my way, I would have everything go my way, all the time. 

Who wouldn't?

But, the fact is, I know me. The times I that I have had the most real personal growth in life has been the hard times.  

One of those nasty little bumps in the road has appeared again on my life's highway. I will spare you the details but will sum it up in one word-yuck. So, I'm bracing myself for the journey, and keep looking up (or ahead) adjusting my 'driving' accordingly. 

 It's kind of like travelling down the scenic byways instead of the interstate.

I always hate the rough spots, but once I'm past them, I know that I will love the view.

 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. ~Romans 8:28

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Freebie Friday!

By now, I think you all know how I feel about simplicity. :)  

It appears that my pal Leonardo felt the same way. Enjoy the freebie.

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Winding up, winding down.

I adore summer and we've had a busy one.  In fact, I think we did more 'stuff'' as a family this summer than we have ever done before.

We moved forgotten flower beds...

ate yummy summer treats,

fished,

and fished,

and fished,

ate more yummy food,

caught amphibians,

caught more amphibians,

grew things,

and made lots of memories.

Sadly, summer vacation is winding down. Today, I spent part of my day getting my classroom ready for the school year. Next week, the other nine months of our year will begin (school, sigh). I love my job, but I always feel a bit sad at the end of the summer.

Hope you all had as much fun this summer as we did!

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Just B...

...Impulsive (sort-of)

So, I sometimes resist change. Quite often, I am comfortable with the status quo. The unknown can freak me out. However, I have learned or rather, am learning that it is worth it to do the impulsive thing once in a while. 

Let me explain. 

Have you ever had the urge to compliment someone on how they looked and resisted giving the compliment? I know I have.

I used to feel weird about giving out those compliments. But, one day I decided I was being silly. What have I got to lose? Will someone get mad at me for giving them a compliment about how they look? 

How about if I tell them they are doing their work well?  

Will they complain when I help them by putting away their grocery cart?

What if I pick up some garbage as I walk down the road-without anyone asking me to?

How about if I buy a meal for that person, instead of just giving her money so she can buy a 'pop'?

There a million little things that a person can do to make the world a little bit better place. I think it's a good thing for Little Man and Baby B to see me caring about the world around me, without having any expectations to 'get' anything back in return.

Little things.

Some people may think it an odd, but I am going to try to be a little more 'impulsive' from now on.

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Freebie Friday!

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Growing Fast, Slowing Down

Little Man and Baby B are growing up too fast. This summer, in my attempt to get everything ready for Baby B's homecoming, I have been trying to pack in (at least in spurts) a lot of projects . 

Confession: Sometimes I think that I get so caught up in being a grown up that I forget how important it is to stop and do kid stuff with Little Man. 

The other day my cell phone rang just as Little Man and I were getting ready to head off and have one of our adventures. What was different this time was that I ignored that call and said, "We have fishing to do buddy, I'll call them back later." The smile on his face and the way his eyes lit up were priceless. And yet, I felt my heart catch a bit. 

Phone call interruptions happen pretty frequently and usually I stop and talk to the person (being the people pleaser that I am) and Little Man has to wait. It's okay to teach patience, right? Yes. Sometimes they need to just wait patiently for mom to be done on the phone. But, how important is that phone call? More important than the plans we have made? Would I do that if I had plans with a friend?

What am I teaching him when a random person on the phone is more important than him? When checking on an email is more important than looking him in the eye and hearing his story? When I'm laughing more at my Facebook news feed than at the fun we are having together? When I just pretend to listen to his stories.

Am I saying this happens all the time? No. But I think sometimes it does (which is hard to say). 

Which is more important, how many 'likes' I get on my status update, or how much my child 'likes' our day together?

Today, I ran with Little Man to the garden (well, jogged) because he said "Let's run!" with hopeful look in his eyes. The smile on his face was worth it. He couldn't believe that I was actually trying to run with him. He even commented, "This is just the right speed for a good jog." My little coach.

So, sorry people, if I let your call go to voice mail some days or if I don't respond immediately to your email. 

I'm probably out jogging with my Little Man.

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Important Days

This is an important week for our family.

Two years ago this week, I was declared Hodgkin's free, and my little girl was born.

Wish she was home already...my little two year old.

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Reality Check

We took our dogs to the lake today. Little Man has made a list of things he wants to do with Emmie since it's her last summer. This morning he decided that if we were going to bring her to the lake, we'd better do it soon, and I agreed. 

My vision.

 Emmie hopping out of the car, walking down to the shore, and gliding out into the water blissfully. Feeling young and free of pain.

Sparky excitedly jumping off the dock and swimming, jumping, and swimming, to her hearts content. 

Little Man and I watching them play and frolic together then loading them up in the car and heading home with two happy dogs.

The reality.

Emmie hobbled out of the car and pooped right outside of the door in the paved parking lot. In the meantime, Sparky was freaking out in the car, climbing all over me, wanting to get out and go meet all of the fisherman in the parking lot.

When we get out of the car, Little Man promptly declares that he is going to go look for frogs and hands me Emmie's leash. 

The dogs outweigh me, and I think they might know it. I stand there hoping that they don't drag me across the parking lot in front of all of these strangers.

We have to wait for the boats and accompanying vehicles to leave so that Emmie won't get run over (remember she's deaf and almost blind). Sparky is pulling, whining, and slowly wrapping the leash around me hoping that I will let go of her leash.

When we finally make it to the dock, Emmie swims for like, 30 seconds and comes back out. Yep, she's done. 

 Sparky goes in for about 10 seconds and then jumps back on the dock and almost knocks down a family trying to get into their canoes.  

Another boat comes to the lake so we move to the shore to stand out of the way. Emmie poops again. Sparky tries to drag me over to meet the perfectly obedient dog walking from his boat to his owner's vehicle. That dog didn't even need a leash to heel! I am sweaty, jealous, and developing a headache.

I tell Little Man that we are heading for home, but first I need to pick up some doggy poopie with a plastic bag. There is no garbage can available so guess what we got to haul home in our car trunk? Yeppers.

When we get home, the dogs act more excited for their little doggy swimming pool that they did for the lake. Plus, my car smells like wet, stinky dog.

Little Man looks at me and says "Well that didn't work out how I thought it would."

 I agree Little Man, I agree.

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Just B...

...Peaceful

We have had a crazy few days this past week. The weather was cool and rain was in the forecast so I decided it was time to try to tackle some of the projects that we had put off all summer. Basically,my sister and her kids helped Little Man and I in gutting our house of all the extra stuff that I have stored for "maybe, one day..."   It feels sooooo good to get rid of stuff. I love having less and I hope to continue this trend. 

Then last night Little Man had an injury that required a visit to urgent care early this morning. It wasn't so bad that we needed to rush to the ER but, I will spare you our photos (yes, there are photos). 

We are wiped out.

Today, I really should be painting our basement.  Or going through the remainder of the paperwork that I had neatly (ahem) stored.  Really there is much left to do, and I know that I need to get any extra work done now before Baby B comes home.

However, after the hectic week we have had, Little Man declared that it would be a peaceful day today. Smart guy. You don't have to ask me twice. I'm all in. 

Maybe we should head out picking some more raspberries? 

Who would like to join me?

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Freebie Friday!

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Happy Anniversary!

A year ago today, I started this blog. It was a bit terrifying for me, because it meant opening my life up to more people than I would generally be comfortable with. 

Etsy-Avett Brothers print

My decision to start blogging was in large part to keep my friends up to date on my current adoption. However, I also wanted to raise awareness about the adoption process. It is frustrating (for lack of a better word) that there are so many children without families, that adoption still has negative connotations attached to it, that adoption takes so long,  and that in a world where people are out buying smart phones, data plans, and multiple homes...they feel they wouldn't be able to afford to adopt. 

http://www.theshortandthesweetofit.com/2013/08/happiness.html

 (Adoption isn't for everyone, but please don't use the 'we can't afford to...'  as a reason if your lifestyle shows otherwise.)

I wanted to show people what a real family formed through adoption looks like (at least this one).

Family

That adopting as a single person is possible.  That we aren't perfect, but we're doing okay. That people can afford to adopt. That my real kids in this real family are awesome, and that there are other just as awesome kids waiting out there for someone to bring them into their new family.

Thanks for stopping by on this one year blog-iversary. 

I have some ideas for new things to add in year two. I've been pinning like crazy to make sure I don't forget my bright ideas. The Etsy store will be open soon (I hope, I'm just working on a couple more items.) Plus, Baby B will be coming home this year for sure. I'm also hoping to finish my book very soon.

What would you like me to cover in year two?

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Just B...

...Late

Now just let me explain.

I am notoriously late with delivering birthday cards. I will find the perfect card months ahead of time, and then lose it by the time the birthday comes. Everyone in my family knows that my card will usually be late. 

Christmas cards . I will order them early, even get them all addressed and then forget to mail them so...yep you got it, late.

My 'Just B' post this time around...late.

The old me would have felt guilty about getting behind on things, so I would keep busy doing stuff to avoid what I had gotten behind on.Then, I would have gotten further behind, which would mean more avoidance activities...etc., etc., etc. You get the picture.

Do I condone never even trying to be on time? No, of course not. But, if I am late, I can't beat myself up about it anymore. Sometimes, it will happen. I am trying to get better with my lateness. I have started to keep those early purchased birthday cards in my car glove compartment so that I don't lose them. 

For those times when I am late, I've decided that my late card (or letter) is just extending the celebration of the birthday or holiday that it was originally intended for. At least I hope that's how my family and friends feel.

You'll have to excuse me now, I have some thank yous and cards that I need to mail. (They were supposed to have been mailed in June.)

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