Summer Priorities

If I wasn't so A.D.D. I would get so much more done! My list of projects for the summer has not gotten much smaller. I keep getting more ideas for projects I want to start, faster than I can finish all of the other projects. 

Plus, Little Man and I have to enjoy the beautiful weather and long days while we can. 

Case in point. Yesterday, we went canoeing and fishing. What should I have been doing? Cleaning out stuff in our house before Baby B comes home.

But instead...

The waterlilies were gorgeous! It made me think of Monet's Waterlilies. In fact, I think I feel another project coming on...Oh well.

I still think that I made the right choice.

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Toddlers

When Baby B comes home, she will be a toddler, not a baby. Little Man was nearing three when he came home to stay forever, yet he still felt so tiny to me. Baby B is even younger and it's a little intimidating to think about. We will be jumping head first into toddler tantrums, potty training, and language issues. 

This past weekend I was looking through my adoption books to see what I might want to reread to since I have some time before she comes home. They're kind of like the 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' toddler version.

 

 

Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft               Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child

                     

             

  Inside Transracial Adoption                                                                             The Connected Child

I also need to start working again on my Creole. Hopefully, I will be able to learn enough to help Baby B's adjustment and head some tantrums off at the pass. I really like this language series of books and CDs. Unfortunately, I need to start some intense studying to be able to really speak and understand the language. My high school French is helping me some (I hope).

                              

 This should keep me busy.

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Dear Friends (and Strangers)...

I know that you're just trying to be helpful. You want to find a husband for me, and a dad for my kids. While I can only speak for myself, I thought I'd let you in on a few things to say (and not to say) to a single parent.

 I'll let you guess which is which.

You must be sooooo lonely. Isn't it hard to meet someone? We should get our kids together for a play date! You're such a catch, how come no one has snatched you up? You are doing a great job with your kids. It must be hard on your kids to not have a dad. How do you do it? You're smart not having a man around to stress you out. Why aren't you married? If you ever need a sitter, let me know. Wouldn't you like to be married? Have you tried online dating? What's wrong with you?  I know this nice guy...    

                     

Dating is tricky.When you add being a parent and dating? Yikes! Working with children for all of these years, I have watched kids deal with the fallout of their parents failed romances. When things don't work out, kids feel like it's their fault, whether that is true or not. For me, right now, it's just not worth it to put my kids  through that. They come first. 

99.9% of the time, I am completely content with my decision (that is unless I watch a Hallmark movie, or do something really crazy like listen to my old Michael Buble CDs). I haven't completely given up on dating. I'm just putting it on hold until for awhile. 

So, if you've found someone that you think is just perfect for me, feel free to have him give me a call...in sixteen years when Baby B is graduating from high school. ;)

I am a single parent. Would I like to be married to Mr.Wonderful one day? Of course. Would I like my children to have a father? If he's the right one, absolutely.  Maybe one day.

I can see it now...

We'll walk down the aisle wearing matching leisure suits. At the reception, our grandkids will play together. We will enjoy the company of our family and friends, dance, and shoot off fireworks. It's going to be quite the celebration.

 Let me know if you want to be invited.

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Just B...

...Stubborn (kind of)

Today was a bit of an odd day for me. As part of the oddness of the day, I encountered someone who acted as if my self professed stubbornness was a bad thing. Can you imagine! Truly, I don't think my stubbornness is necessarily a bad thing.

You see, I am part Finnish. We don't like to call our stubbornness, 'stubbornness', we call it sisu.

Sisu

The ineffable spirit or inner fire that Finns call upon when all
strength seems spent.

Because of Sisu we (Finns) find it possible to do almost anything
except betray our honor or compromise our ideals.

Sisu is extraordinary endurance!

Sounds a lot nicer than stubborn doesn't it? Without sisu, I wouldn't have done so many things in my life: get two teaching degrees simultaneously, bring my children home as a single mom, kick Hodgkin's butt, go back to work full time two weeks after donating a kidney.

So...here's to stubbornness (or sisu)!

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Freebie Friday!

 Hope you're all having a happy day! Go do something.

Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

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What's in a Name?

Growing up, I used to try to think of what the very best names would be for my kids. Or pets.

 Maybe it was because I came from a big family or because I had dreams of having a large family myself (either that or a ton of animals) 

Fast forward and here I am the mom to two sweeties who came with names of their own. Names that their birth families gave to them and ones that I would never dream of taking away. Those names are a part of them. Part of their heritage. 

Are they sometimes hard to pronounce. Yep. But, people can learn. I'm kind of ornery like that.

Many people have told me that it wouldn't matter, that I should just give them whatever name I wanted to. I am their mom now after all. They're right and because I'm their mom, I will keep their birth names and teach them to treasure their birth history.

So, what to do with all of those names that I wanted to use? Well, it looks like my future pets are going to be named Isabella, Caedman, Demeras, Joshua, Anne, etc.

That is unless I can convince my children to use those names for my grandkids...

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Date Night

I was treated to a movie and dinner with the man in my life tonight.

Isn't he handsome? 

Growing up, my dad would take us girls out for our birthdays. I decided that Little Man and I would make it a regular thing to have 'date nights.' I think it's good for him to learn how to be a good date. How to order, how to talk to the server, table manners, etc. He loves it and always feels really important (although I'm not allowed to tell our servers that we are out on a date...He claims that I talk too much?!)

Sometimes, Little Man will surprise me by announcing from the back seat that he is treating me to a salad, and to 'turn in at McDonald's'. It's so sweet. He'll always lean forward after I've paid and ask, "You paid with my money not your's right?"

Wish all my dates in life had been so considerate!

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Just B...

...Yourself

Little Man had his second soccer tournament today. The tournament was an invitational that the area soccer association sponsors each summer. You see, although he has been playing soccer for years, I have been hesitant to have Little Man begin playing at the competitive level.  

Little Man has the World Cup written into his version of the future. He's all, "GO! GO! GO!" I more like, "Are you having fun? Good. Want a snack? Let's have everyone be a winner. Okay?" 

The truth: I am a little bit afraid to be a soccer mom. There. I said it.

Competitive sports have never been my thing. I'm more of the artsy, drama, music, nature hikes, non-competitive kinda mom.

I've seen all of those parents who are totally into soccer and some of them are scary. They make me want to cry! I can't imagine how their kids feel. I don't want to turn into that. Plus they sit there and trash talk the kids on the other team so horribly. I sit there thinking, "Wait a minute. Aren't these seven and eight year old kids that you are lacerating and beating down verbally? Wait...is that MY seven year old you're talking about?!"

There is a fine line between supporting your child and being, how should I say this... overzealous. I'm determined to stay true to myself, while helping him navigating the world of competition.

In the next couple of weeks, Little Man is going to be making the jump into competitive soccer. I am terrified, but determined to make sure I keep track of what is best for him, and still balance his schedule so that he won't be over-stressed. I am praying for him to be put on a team where the kids (and their parents) have a good outlook about what is important in life. I'm praying for a coach that teaches the kids well and brings out the best in them without berating them. 

I'm praying that I can be adequately supportive of Little Man's love of soccer. He is naturally drawn to anything athletic and usually picks up on any sport easily. That's who he is. I am starting to think that maybe I am here to make sure he stays well rounded (and he's here to get me up and active!)

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Freebie Friday!

I've always loved this verse. Hope you like it.

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Blue Days

We finally made it out of the one office that our paperwork has been sitting in since May 8th. Yay! More proof that, one day, Baby B will be home.

Sometimes during the adoption process, the wait gets long. Really really long. Even when there is progress, although you are excited, you're afraid to get too excited. What if the next wait is a long one? So often, there are glitches, paperwork hang ups, and BAM, things are delayed yet again.  

You hate to buy too many things or set too many things up, because you have no idea how old your child will actually be when he/she gets home. Will she still be sleeping in a crib? Will she need those diapers or will she already be potty trained?

I know it will all work out, but, that's where I'm at right now.

 Baby B will probably not be home until sometime early this fall. This adds an entire laundry list of extra things I need to start planning for. How will I budget in taking all of that time off of work? (I was counting on having the summer to stay home with her). How will Little Man do when I am staying home and he is going to school every day? Will I be able to stay home long enough for Baby B to bond well before I have to head back to work? How many weeks of lesson plans to I need to plan for? (Lesson plans for the two schools that I will be splitting my time between). It's a tad bit stressful.

I long for the day that Baby B comes home. I dream of it. Some days, it just feels really far away.

 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

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Somewhere There is a Little Child

Somewhere, a little child sits and wonders why she is alone, and unloved. Why others get to go to school, and she cannot. Her young mind worries over whether or not she will get a meal before she goes to bed. Or will she have to sleep again with the roaring pain of her hunger her only companion. Will she be warm enough, or even have a place to sleep?

What if she wakes up afraid in the night?

Somewhere, a little child will rise in the morning, to another uncertain day.

She will wish will all of her heart that there was someone to love her. 

But maybe she's not worth it, she'll start to think...Maybe she isn't deserving of love.

I think she's worth it and I think we can help. 

A new car, or being a part of someone's life, forever? There will always be a newer and better...something. A person's life? Priceless.

Pick one. Try it. I think you'll like it.

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Sometimes, Age Does Make a Difference

Has anyone besides me noticed that depending on your age, a simple sentence can mean something completely different? I'll give you an embarrassing example from my past. Now please don't judge.

In my early years of teaching, I taught a reading class to sixth graders. One fine spring day, I was chatting with my students about sandals versus flip flops. The conversation went a little something like this.

Me: Yeah, I hate how thongs feel. They are so uncomfortable. 

My class: Cricket sounds and horrified stares.

Me: They are so uncomfortable in between my toes.

One very kind student: Oh, Miss B, we call those shoes flip flops now, thongs are something different.

Me (now also horrified): Oh nasty! I was talking about the shoes. 

Today, I made the comment "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" My teenage niece looked horrified, my mom (Grandma) thought nothing of it. And no, I wasn't implying I was hot. Just that I was hot.

What a difference some years make.

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How Cute is She?!

Thought I'd show you a recent pic of my not-so-little Baby B. 

I miss that smile.

She's growing up too fast.

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Just B...

...Compassionate

I like to imagine myself a compassionate person. Truly, I think I do pretty well at caring for others and their circumstances. I really do care. Unfortunately, it is easier for me to care about some people than others. Sometimes (shocking I know) that's because I am the one with the issue (not them).

 That's usually right about the time that I am slapped in the face by my own hardness of heart towards another's circumstances. 

Ouch.

The Face of Christ

by Chris Rice

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Freebie Friday!

Nothing too profound here today. Kind of the theme I've had going in my life lately.

If you want it, feel free.

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Saying Good-Bye

This summer will be the last one with our Great Pyrenees/Lab mix, Emmie.  

When I was going through chemo for Hodgkin's, I discovered a lump the size of a golf ball on Emmie's rib cage. I remember calling my mom in tears and telling her that Little Man couldn't lose his dog to cancer when I was in the middle of the battle myself. 

Who am I kidding, I couldn't lose my dog to cancer.

 When we brought Emmie in for her check-up, they told us it was probably bone cancer. The vet and I agreed that with her age, it was best just to let her enjoy her remaining time. We've been watching the lump, which has now reached the size of a softball.

Water has always been her favorite, but she started slipping last summer on the plastic of her custom 'pool'. This year I rigged up a geriatric model just for her. She is loving it, and she hasn't slipped yet!

 Emmie now hobbles around the yard at her leisure. We don't make her stay in the kennel when we are gone, because she can't roam very far anyway.

I have let Little Man know that this month we will need to say good bye. He's convinced that she will get better.  

It's not going to be easy. To add to the difficulty of making this decision, I first brought Emmie home right before a dear friend of mine passed away from cancer. Just a few days before she passed away, I brought my little Emmie over to meet her. My friend managed to say "That's going to be a big dog." as she cuddled her in her bed. It feels like losing Emmie is losing a link to my friend.

 I also really had hoped that Baby B would be home before we had to put her down. She is one of the most gentle dogs with children that you will see. 

Unfortunately, it's not fair to her to make her keep waiting. Her pain is increasing, and her strength is decreasing. 

It's time.

And I hate it.

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My Little Girl

It will be awhile before we get Baby B home. Our paper work is still sitting in the same office that it has sat in since May. This is our first real long delay and it is hard. 

Baby B will turn two next month, but we so wanted her home before her second birthday. 

I guess we will have to celebrate her birthday late this year.

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Just B...

...Eclectic

I am a bit eclectic. 

Example: I like to dress nice, and try to look put together.  But, truth be told, I feel super cool (or 'hot' if you will) when I'm wearing grubby clothes and running my dad's Bobcat.(I know, right?! It is totally cool!)

My parents raised an independent girl, who doesn't mind getting dirty and loves to make stuff.

 But, I hate the feeling of dirt under my nails...but, I love working with clay...but, I'm allergic to dust...

I am not much of a world traveler, yet I have two children from other countries.

You get the idea.

I used to feel a bit at odds with these idiosyncrasies of mine. But, as I creep closer forty, I've made peace with myself. Plus, being an eclectic has become a lot more 'hip' these days.

This morning, as Little Man and I drank our Ethiopian coffee (mine with a little bit of Vanilla Almond Milk), from the espresso mugs I made in college, while listening to Johnny Cash sing "Ring of Fire" on the radio...I had to smile. Then we were off for the day. Little Man fluffed up his mohawk, pulled on his railroad worker style pants, and we drove to Grandma and Grandpa's while listening to Adventures in Odyssey.

As you go through your days, I hope that you also feel free to defy easy labels and just be yourself.

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Freebie Friday!

It's all yours!

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