Just B...

Gentle

Sometimes I get so busy I feel like I'm on steam roller mode. Wake up, go go go go go, fall into bed at the end of the day exhausted. Each day I am on a mission to conquer my list.

 Must. Get. Stuff. Done.

Unfortunately, while steam rollers get stuff done, they also flatten everything in their paths. 

This weekend, I decided that I would put away the steam roller for a couple of days and tiptoe through life for a while in Little Man mode. Take things a little more 'gently' if you will.

Have I gotten anything done today? Not much grown-up stuff.

But I did re-learn how to make paper boats to sail down muddy run-off rivers.

Oh, and the two of us may have discovered some the largest puffballs ever (just ask Little Man).

 We also discovered a bunch of animal tracks and made up stories about what the owners of the tracks might have been doing. 

We got wet, and dirty, and loved every minute of it.

Little Man declared that it was one of the best days of his life. 

You know, I have to agree with him.

.

My 'Big' Little Man

The other day while riding in the car, Little Man and I had a brief, but very interesting conversation.

It went something like this.

 Little Man:   "You know, when it's the end, I'd let someone else borrow my heart."

 Me: "You mean when you don't need it anymore?"

Little Man: "Yeah. I'd share it."

Me: "Cool. What made you think of that?"

Little Man: "Oh, I just thought of it. I would do it though."

Me: "That's really nice of you."

In our house, organ donation is maybe not as foreign an idea as it might be in some homes. You see, right around the time Little Man was being born in Ethiopia, I was donating a kidney. I joked at the time that my kidney donation was my 'birthing' experience. Little did I know...Donating my kidney was a no brainer to me. I had two kidneys, was healthy, no kids. Of course I would give one away. (When I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, I was a little worried about how the chemo would effect my remaining kidney. My oncologist told me not to worry. I had done a good thing donating in the first place, he said, and that should warrant a free pass to any kind of complications. That sounded good to me.)

Little Man has asked many questions about my donated kidney, analyzing the idea (as he likes to do) to decide what he thinks of it. Looks like he agrees with his mama that it's nice to share.

Photo: Lauren Marie Photography

I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of him.

Great news!

I have been a bit silent on the progress on Baby B coming home lately. Mainly because for the last month we have been in a holding pattern, and it has been depressing (at best) to even think about our progress, or rather, the lack there-of.

Just days before we were going to travel for our first trip to Haiti, I discovered that our I600-A had expired, and would need to be refiled (I had completed the one time free renewal of our fingerprints, but had missed the deadline for renewing the actual application.) 

To say it threw me into a panic would be a colossal understatement.

 Due to my mistake, I set back the progress of when my daughter would make it home. I would also have to make an additional trip to Port au Prince to file my I600 paperwork. I still am completely sick about the whole thing. The financial expense is a hard one, the fact that my daughter has to wait longer to get home...

So, a month ago my I600-A was officially received by USCIS. As of the end of last week, it still had not reached the desk of anyone who could process it (aka stamp it 'approved'). Without that stamp of approval, we have had to wait, and wait, and wait. When I redid my application, I added a groveling cover letter, as well as photos of Little Man and I with Baby B praying that it would help speed things up. Usually, the approval of the I600-A happens before a family receives a child referral, so the time it takes doesn't seem like as big of an issue. This time, every day has felt like a lifetime.

Today I received an email saying that our paperwork had been approved ('stamped') and was already on our way back to us!!!!! Hallelujah! That is truly a miracle. 

Seriously.

 If you have never waited for your paperwork to be processed through a government office, then you need to consider the huge number of cases they are looking at daily. For it to reach a desk and be cleared that fast is A...MA...ZING. Way to go USCIS! Now let's get Baby B home!

Thank you, God! 

He still works miracles!

“Those blessings are sweetest that are won with prayer and worn with thanks.” 

― Thomas Goodwin

Hey Guys! You believe in voting, right?

Our blog just joined up with the TopMommyBlogs team, and YOU (yes Y...O...U!) have the opportunity to let your voice be heard. 

 (Can you hear the cheesy salesperson's voice now?)

How, you may ask, can you be a part of this democratic process? Why I'm glad you asked. 

Just click on the blog to the left of this post. See it over there? Yep, that's the one. It will take you to www.topmommyblogs.com. By visiting their page through this button, you are putting in a vote for Just B. You may link once a day, so don't forget to come back and let your voice be heard. 

While you're there, check out all the other great member's blogs. There are a TON of them, and I am pumped that we were chosen to join their 'club'.

Let's see if we can get into the top 25!

Just B...

Amazing!

Sounds a little bold doesn't it? But hang in there with me for a second. 

If...

I believe that every life is important, and valuable (which I do)

 ...and that everyone has a purpose in life that they can choose to fulfill or not (check)

 ...and that every person is an amazing creation of God (double check)...

then...

 I also must believe that I my life is important and valuable

 ...and that I have a purpose in life (that I can choose to fulfill or not) 

...and that I am an amazing creation of God.

Hmmmmmmm.

So, maybe my job is just to be who I am because that is who God meant for me to be. To be faithful, continuing on my journey, and not worry about other people's paths. Not being afraid to be passionate about those things important to me. Allowing my heart to be broken by the things that break God's heart. Laughing, singing, dancing when the mood strikes. Making things with my hands (I LOVE that), collecting quotes, admiring the beauty of nature, eating chocolate, treasuring my children.

There a so many things that make me, me. Some are right out there for the world to see, others remain more hidden. Am I perfect. Nope. I'm human. Flaws, scars, temper, clumsiness, and all.

God's creation is amazing and I'm part of it. Maybe not Mount Everest amazing, more like hummingbird amazing, or spider web amazing.

 And that...is amazing!

What makes you amazing?

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. ~Psalm 139:14

Coffee time!

I made a huge mistake yesterday evening. 

I decided to have a couple of cups of coffee at my work meeting (to go along with my delicious piece of flourless chocolate cake :). It was a long week, and I was dragging. Plus, I couldn't be groggy during a meeting, right?

Unfortunately for me, I neglected to take into account two things: One, I am no longer a nineteen year old college student. Two, their coffee was really strong (and good.)

So, guess who got a grand total of two hours of sleep last night?

The upside of this was that I was able to have hours of uninterrupted time to work on some projects (with the lights on low, I refused to turn them up all the way at that time of night.)

So, wonder if I can convince Little Man to go to bed early on a Friday night?

Are you beautiful?

So, I've been thinking lately about the impact my self esteem (or lack there of) has on my children.

My negative self talk does not mean that I am being humble. I am waaaay past the age of saying bad things about myself just to get a compliment from someone.  I've started to wonder if it means that I am not truly thankful for the life that I have been given...

If I don't love and value myself, how can I expect my children to grow up doing so? Will Little Man grow up thinking that women don't value themselves? Will Baby B have body image issues? Will either of them appreciate the life God has given them, or waste it?

Today I am starting fresh. 

This cup of tea today was a further reminder of my new goal. I really believe it's true.

Here goes.

I'm... pretty okay. 

(Well it's a start anyway!)

4/18/13 Blog update

Unbeknownst to me (big words huh?), Dove has been thinking about this same issue. Watch this video. It's really an eye opener.

                                                      Dove Real Beauty Sketches

Just B...

...'In'

You know how it is, we all want to be 'in'.

 Punk, biker, hipster, prep, athlete, intellectual...the list could go on and on. There is a group (or two) for most of us to slide into.

But what about those children who don't have the luxury of a family in which to safely discover who they are? Survival to adulthood is a 'maybe'.

 There are not options for these kids. 

No one there to comfort them when they are sick, when their friends hurt their feelings, when their heart is broken, when their stomach aches with hunger, when they are lying scared in their bed at night.

Where will they find to fit in? 

Prostitution? Dealing drugs? Child militia?

As I sit here agonizing over the fact that Baby B is stuck over in Haiti waiting for us, I cannot help but think also of all the other children in the world hoping for love, food, family, a future (both internationally and here in America).

So what am I getting at here?

Let me be clear. I did not look to adoption as a means of 'saving' anyone. My children are my children, not my rescue mission. They are my family.

I have decided that I want to be in the group the works to make a positive difference in this world-even when the odds are stacked against me. I want to remember that my life is a sacred gift, and I have an obligation to not take it for granted. That every person is valuable to God, and I am called as a Christian, to serve others. 

How I am meant to do that, I have a feeling I am just beginning to find out.

Where do you fit in?

“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.”

― John Wesley

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Memories from Haiti

The last afternoon that we spent with Baby B was a busy day. We had left the guest house at 9:30 in the morning and at 1:45 we were stuck in traffic. Court takes awhile. 

I had reached the end of the snacks that I had packed for the day and was praying we would get back before Baby B reached meltdown stage (Little Man was already looking at me with 'mad' eyes from low blood sugar). 

As I preceded to feed my 19 month old  M&Ms out of desperation (I guess I won't be receiving that Mom of the Year award any time soon) a song came over the radio. I had already been thinking with dread about the fact that we would have to bring Baby B back to the orphanage that night (we flew out early the next morning) and a song came on the radio. 

It broke my heart then and did again this morning. 

 I guess I'm listening to it with a different set of ears.

Enjoy.

"I Won't Give Up"