Passing Along a Smile

You know how sometimes you're having a tough week and you just need something to make you smile? That was me this morning. Between a few tough situations with students, and being tired of waiting to bring Baby B home, I have been in a bit of a funk. 

Thankfully a co-worker stopped by my office and shared an adorable video with me that made my day. It's a video of how kids might script a movie.

I thought I'd pass that smile on to you, so, here you go. 

Hope it makes you smile.

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GiveAway on Cullen's ABC's!

Hi all! Just wanted to let you know about couple of great giveaways I just found out about on Cullen's ABC's .

They currently have two giveaways going on. 

I have posted the videos for both giveaways.

 A Strider bike (They are those awesome bikes without pedals, that help kids with their large motor skills).

A live video chat with Cullen, the founder of Cullen's ABC's.

Cullen's ABC's is a website whose goal is to provide school readiness resources to prepare students for  preschoolers. As a teacher (and a mom) I really appreciate their curriculum to help get our kids ready for school.

 Straight from their website....here are some highlights:

1. Kindergarten Readiness Evaluation
2. Interactive free Online Preschool
3. Videos
4. Advice
5. Activities
6. Patterns
7. Variety of other free resources

Check out their website for all of the details on their programs.

Contest deadline is Friday, May 31st!

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Something to Remember

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Just B...

Fearless

Today I took Little Man and one of his friends to the science center. The two of them had big plans on holding all of the snakes so we headed over to that area first. I myself have a fear of snakes. When I was a teenager I stepped on one barefooted. I took off running and I am pretty sure that I didn't touch the ground the rest of the way home...

Dear Friends (and Strangers)

Sometimes a video or story will go viral on Facebook. You will watch the video and want to share it with your friends. You will talk to your friends and tell them that they 'just have to see' the video or read the story.

Stories of amazing courage against all odds...

Freebie Friday

We can't wait for summer vacation to start around here! Little Man and I decided that we needed to make a list of things that we want to do (not wasting a minute of our precious days of freedom)!  I left a little bit of space for adding more ideas.

 Our plan is to print it out, put in under glass and then use a dry erase marker to fill in the blanks, and cross off the things as we do them. 

Oh, how I love a good list!

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Learning from the Birds

I love watching birds any time of the year, but in the spring they are especially fascinating to me. The way they carefully take little bits and weave them together to make a home for themselves is inspiring. Looking at all the random pieces separately you'd think 'Yeah...good luck with that.' 

But they keep at it and they make it work.

Unlike us, birds don't worry about what the other birds are saying as they are building their home. They just keep working at making the perfect safe haven for their kids. 

We question whether our house is 'good' enough, comparing ourselves to others. 

Birds know to keep the 'main thing the main thing.' They don't worry about how the other birds feel about their parenting choices. They trust their instincts.

 Nest made? Check. 

Chicks hatched? Check.

 Chicks fed? Check. 

Chicks warm? Check.

 Chicks taught to fly? Check.

Today, I was reminded once again of how one person that I've known from birth does not like my parenting choices. Or the fact that I am a parent at all.

 I wish I were more like the birds, but it still bothers me that this person feels that way. Unfortunately, I let them into my quality world long before I became a parent. It is tough to remove them from it. I want to stomp my foot and demand that they quit being so judgmental and mean, but I know it will make no difference.

And so, I will take a lesson from the birds. I will build my nest. I will keep at it and make it work. My chicks are almost all 'hatched'. I will feed them. Keep them warm. Love them and teach them to fly. 

And try to stop worrying about the other birds.

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Home from Haiti, Part 4: Beauty from Ashes

Visiting Haiti is a slightly surreal experience. While there is great beauty in the country, all around there is daily a struggle to survive.

When I travel to Haiti to visit Baby B, I stay at a guesthouse run by my adoption agency. The compound is surrounded by a high wall, topped by barbed wire. A guard is payed to ensure our safety. My room is simple, but clean. There is even a small air conditioner in it to keep me cool. The bathroom that I use has no running water, but I do not have to fear being exposed to cholera when I use it (as I would if I used a public restroom elsewhere in the city). The water from the tap cannot be ingested. You will get sick if you do. No hot showers. Mosquitoes abound. Fashion is waaaay down on my list of priorities.

Kind of like camping.

It's quieter there, detached from my regular life. Although there is a TV, I don't watch it. I think only one of the channels is in English. Much of my time there is spent with people who's primary language is Creole, and I have to rely on my limited French from high school (which is a little similar). I bring a journal and allow myself to process all that is happening around me.

Three amazing meals were prepared for me every day. The meals were larger than I would normally eat, but I ate as much as I could, always cognizant of the fact that thousands were going hungry just outside the walls of the compound where I was staying. 

I had never visited Haiti before March of this year. I wish I had known the country before the tragedy of the earthquake on 12 January 2010. I watched in horror along with the rest of the world as the tragedy unfolded. Most of the world has moved on with their lives, the earthquake a distant memory.

For the people in Haiti, the struggle continues. 

The agency I am working with first tries to come alongside of the birth families, before taking their children in permanently. I was able to witness this first hand while I was in Haiti on this last visit. If the birth family feels that they can no longer take care of their children, they are counseled before the children enter the creche. This part of the process in International adoption is crucial. It's so important to have that helping hand offered to the birth families so that they can decide whether to parent their child or make an adoption plan. It is arrogant to assume that just because we live in a 'first world' country that all children would automatically be 'better off' living in our world. That mindset really bothers me.

Being 'poor' does not mean that you love your child any less. 

But, sadly, it can mean that you are forced to make the ultimate sacrifice of letting your child go, so that they can live.

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Just B...

...Active

Little Man had a soccer tournament yesterday. He and his team played great! Soccer is his biggest love. Since he was three he has been telling me that he wants to play in the World Cup when he grows up. Maybe the in the Olympics as well. With his drive (and his kick) I wouldn't be surprised if he really did it too.

Even during the winter, Little Man is outside kicking a soccer ball around. He doesn't like that he has to wear his winter boots because it makes it harder to kick, but I keep telling him that it helps build up his leg muscles. 

My Little Man is one of those people who seems to have been born a 'natural athlete'. I remember in school wondering how some people seemed to be able to excel at whatever sport they decided to try. Well, I think I am now going to be able to see firsthand how that happens. 

You see, although I am tall and look athletic, growing up I was anything but. I have always been tall. By the age of thirteen, I had reached six feet. They even tried to recruit me for the basketball team. Being smart (and realizing what a joke it would be for me to even attempt to play basketball) I declined. Growing that fast I had no coordination. Finally in college when some coordination kicked in, I discovered that I like to be physically active (although I still can't play basketball).

 I would never call myself an athlete. However, I have discovered that I like how I feel when I run, bike, snow shoe, hike, even do yard work and garden. I've even tried rock climbing and liked it! I like to feel my muscles tired after using them. To me, it makes me feel like I am really living.

 I want to work hard to keep myself healthy and active so that I can keep up with Little Man and Baby B as they grow. I don't want to have to sit on the sidelines just watching life go by.

Life isn't meant to be just watched. It's meant to be lived.

So, who's up for a walk?

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Haiti Trip Part 3: Becoming Mama

One of the best things that I did on this trip was to bring a photo book with pictures of Baby B, Little Man, and myself (Mama) from our first trip. My thinking was the more pictures that Baby B has of us together, the more it will start to become real to her that we are in fact a family. 

We belong together.

I had an older book that I used made by Sassy that I had put pictures in when Little Man came home from Ethiopia.

They still make the books, but I had a short notice about travelling for my Embassy visit and didn't have time to order a new one. (Thursday afternoon I was notified of my appointment, Monday I was flying off to Haiti).

One thing that surprised me with the book was that as Baby B and I looked over the pictures together with the other babies, and toddlers around, the other little peanuts were learning our names as well! B loved telling everyone who was in the book with her.

When I came to visit the second day, there were calls of 'Mama, Mama' from every verbal child in the younger group as I entered the locked courtyard.

Imagine a room filled with 10 to 15 little ones ranging in age from newborn to three.

 Enter a really tall Caucasian lady, bearing stickers and bubble soap. 

To say I was swarmed would be an understatement.

While Baby B and I spent a great deal of time playing on our own, we also spent a portion of every visit with Baby B showing me off to her friends and the nannies. I felt it was very important for me to form memories with her in her 'old life' to start our history together and to bridge the transition when she comes home.

Anyone who knows me knows I am unable to let a baby cry. If they are crying, there is a reason. Luckily my arms are strong and I'm using to carrying around multiple children.

I'm sure it was very amusing for the nannies to watch 'Mama' going around: scooping up babies, blowing bubbles, handing out hugs, turning down offers of food from two year old's mouths, trying to keep toddlers from ripping toys out of each other hands, having her smooth hair patted by curious little hands...

The nannies are doing a great job, but there are only so many hands to go around. The older children were excited to practice their English with me. A few of them are just waiting for their paperwork to be finalized so that they can go home. Their English is quite good, and you can tell great care is being taken to prepare them for their future families.

 I feel it was an honor and a privilege for me to love on these little children.

 My hope is that perhaps when their forever parents walk through that door to meet them, the transition will be a little easier because they will remember when Baby B's mama came and loved on them. 

Their faces will always be with me, and I will pray that their families come for them soon. They are wonderful little people just waiting to join their forever families.

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Home from Haiti Part 2: That Really Nice Lady

On our first trip to Haiti, I knew that Baby B was a tough sell. Whenever our coordinator would go down to check on the children at the creche, every picture she took of Baby B showed her staring at the camera as if to say 'So you're here to take a picture. I don't even know you. Why should I smile at you strange lady." She had her favorite nannies, but she didn't warm up to others very quickly.

After our first visit, everyone was amazed (including me) at how well she attached to us. I was thrilled, but worried at the thought of what our leaving might do to her.

With a child who has a hard time opening up their heart, you don't want to do anything to break the trust that they have given you or they could lock you out forever.

 I was really worried about how she would respond when I returned. Everyone hears about Reactive Attachment Disorder, especially in regards to children brought home after having spent time in an orphanage. Attachment issues for Baby B could be a real possibility if we aren't really careful.

The Haiti coordinator and I decided that when I went back I would not have Baby B stay with me at the guest house.  Even if it broke my heart to not have her spend every moment with me. I would head to the creche to visit her during the day and return to the guesthouse in the evening. I would try not to do any of the typical 'mom' things for her even when I visited her at the creche. No diaper changes, no feeding her meals.

I was to be 'that really nice lady' that came every day to visit (bringing fun stuff with me.) Hopefully, having her see me leave and come back many days in a row would help her while she waited for me to bring her home forever.

I think that our plan worked. The first day when I came to visit, Baby B wasn't sure if she was going to be my friend anymore. She recognized me immediately, but she was still mad that I hadn't taken her with us when we left her back at the creche on the first visit.

My poor baby. It breaks my heart.

Although she didn't want to look at me for the first hour or so, I made sure I sat where she could watch the two of us interact in the reflection of a glass door. I knew she was scared to let me back in (and risk getting hurt again.) But she couldn't resist sneaking peaks at Mama.

 It was hard work trying to stay mad at Mama.

Stickers, bubble soap, a ball, a photo album, a stuffed animal, books... All items chosen specifically for the fact that they required interaction. 

Slowly, Mama's love and the presents worked their magic.

Baby B even opened up enough to do silly toddler 'tricky tricks' (ie head upside down peaking, walking silly, bonking things on her head, trying to wear Mama's sunglasses...)

While each time I left there were still tears, I am praying that when I return Baby B will still have her heart cracked open to let me in. 

Next time, my baby, that really nice lady gets to finally be your Mama forever.

Home From Another Trip to Haiti

I made it home yesterday, after taking another quick trip to visit Baby B. She is so much fun to be with. 

This Mother's Day is tricky one for me. I have two children, but only one of them gets to be here to celebrate with me. Yes, Baby B will be home this summer, but I still hate waiting longer. I have to keep reminding myself to be patient. At least she has a mom, and we will be together soon.

Not all of the kids at the creche have found their forever families yet. I believe they told me that there are 27 little ones waiting for a family. It kills me that they would have to wait. They are wonderful kids.

While in Haiti, I would visit the creche every day. For the first part of our visit, we would go spend time alone together playing. Then we would head back to the main building, and I would love on as many of the little ones in the baby and toddler room that I could until my ride came to pick me up. 

Baby B was okay with me giving a little bit of attention to the other kids. I was always very careful that it was clear I was her mama (even though the other kids all started calling me 'mama' too, picking up on it from her.) She would get unlimited kisses from me, but she was fine with me giving the other kids hugs.

So on this Mother's Day, I treasure my children and wait for the day we will all be together.

 Now, we need to find families for all of those other precious little ones at the creche.

Happy Mother's Day

We're Getting Close Now..

The next trip we take to Haiti will be to file our I600. This should have been taken care of on our first trip, but my I600A had lapsed so we couldn't do it then.  I am starting to have those old familiar fears that I remember so well from when I brought Little Man home... Will she like me? Will there be healthy attachment? Will our fun family just be even MORE fun when she comes home?!

After a great deal of prayer and thought, I have decided that on this second trip I will not have Baby B stay with us. She was absolutely devastated when we had to leave her last time. I am hoping that if we just visit her several days in a row, it will help to teach her that I come back. I am also not going to do any of the mom type stuff for her his time but leave that to the nannies. I will be the cool lady who brings toys, and when I go the next time she will be pumped that I get to be her mom!
 I know she will the best addition to the family that we could have imagined. We just need to finish a little paperwork!

Just B...

...Just.

Life isn't fair.

 As a child, this fact caused me to shed a lot of tears and, quite frankly, I got really mad. I would fume inside watching all of the unhappiness in the world.

As I got older and came to grips with the fact that I couldn't change the world (you were right Mom and Dad) , I decided to focus on what I could change. 

Myself.

So while I could sit around complaining about how 'unfair' (cue whiny voice) life is, it seems to me that it is a bit more productive to take action. 

 I will fight for those who can't always speak up to fight for themselves. When those most vulnerable in our society are treated unfairly. Children, the elderly, those with special needs. I will make sure those children that I interact with know that I believe in them and that they are special. When that elderly person is crossing the street, or needs help in the grocery store, or is driving in front of me on the highway, I will remember my grandmother, and treat them with respect and patience. When that special needs student is having an especially hard day, I will think of one of my favorite cousins, who may never intellectually reach adulthood, but has taught so many people sooo much over the years. 

Life may still be unfair, but I am going to do my best to make it a little more just. 

He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?  Micah 6:8

My life...

When I imagine my life, it would look something like this.

Photo: Wikimedia Commons

This is the gate on the edge of our property. We have beautiful stone walls around the edge of the yard and gardens. I grow organic fruits and vegetables, and can or juice all of our bountiful harvest. Our home is classic Country Living style. The cleaning schedule I have set up makes it easy for me to always stay on top of things (in spite of our hectic schedule.) We have a beautiful piano that I like to sit at a play on. I make delicious home cooked meals that rival the best chef's newest creations. Isn't it beautiful. 

Okay, now back to reality. Our yard is basically a mowed field. Think weeds interspersed with grass. 

Wikimedia Commons/The_yard_at_Skaw_-_geograph.org.uk_-_1465319.jpg

(Okay, maybe this is not exactly our yard, but you get the idea).

 I refuse to spray for them, because I hate the thought of putting pesticides on the ground that we walk on, to have it possibly enter the water table (and therefore the water we drink). 

The 'garden' is...okay. We grow and save what we can. I often choose to play with Little Man outside instead of weeding. Consequently, the gardens don't always look the best. 

I am definitely never going to win any housekeeping or decorating contests (remember how I said that I'd rather play with my son than clean?)

Oh, and our piano is out of tune. 

But you know what?  

Spring time brings the most beautiful crop of dandelions you ever did see and I get lots of beautiful bouquets! Plus we can make a ton of wishes on all of those white puffs.

Wikimedia Commons-Dandelions

We have tons of trees to climb and woods to explore right out our backdoor.

Our porch is a great place to snuggle with our cats and dogs (and read books.)

And we really do love each other...a lot!

Maybe one day I will get my garden gate. But right now I am just enjoying my life with my Little Man-and praying for Baby B to get home soon so that she can share in the fun.