Just B...

...Real

I work with children and I am a mom. One thing that I know is crucial when working with kids is to remember to be real. Kids can smell a phony from a mile away. Sometimes though, I can get so worried about living up to others expectations, that I am not as real as I aspire to be. 

This fall I will be moving to work in a new building, with a new group of kids (plus my son!)  I am very cognizant of the fact that to truly give the students the best of myself I need remember to be myself. That person happens to be a woman who is: flawed, embarrassingly goofy at times, has a temper when it comes to anything 'unjust',  is somewhat ADD, cries at sunsets/sunrises, loves being with family, gets excited making a nice collage, is stubborn, believes in second chances, gets overwhelmed by 'stuff', thinks bedtime is wonderful, cannot understand why children must ever wait for a family and LOVES seeing kids become who they are supposed to be.

God has big plans for everyone who allows Him to use them. I just need to stay out of the way!

"The people who influence us the most are not those who detain us with their continual talk, but those who live their lives like the stars in the sky and "the lilies of the field"-simply and unaffectedly. Those are the lives that mold and shape us."  ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest

Thankful!

Sometimes it's hard to put into words exactly how grateful I am to God for those people He has put into my life to support me. 

Let me explain...

I've waited for this week with great anticipation/trepidation. After working the previous week on a video submission that would best represent our family's story, we had been chosen as the family of the week for Give1Save1 Caribbean. http://give1save1caribbean.blogspot.com/2012/08/new-week-new-family.html

I have never been one who has liked to ask others for help but circumstances during the past year or so have brought me to a point where I've had to finally do just that. First there were the failed Congolese adoptions and the decision to switch agencies (good bye thousands of dollars), then the diagnosis of Hodgkin's Lymphoma (hello higher medical bills than I had ever thought possible), and just when I had begun the process to start again, my car decided to go end our long journey together.

Which brought me to where I am today. Although I have always had a strong support system as a single parent (and an even stronger God) I have lived in the happy place of feeling somewhat self sufficient. Or perhaps I should say I have always been too stubborn to ask for help in most situations. Chemo worked some of that out of my system. Realizing I no longer had the funds necessary to complete my current adoption has kicked the rest out (at least I hope so, these are painful teachable moments for me!)

Sending the video in was opening myself, and our family up to being 'judged' by  way more people than was naturally comfortable for me. I am pretty private and I realize that there are those who think it is selfish of me to adopt as a single parent. Yep, that pretty much describes me...how selfish of me to want to become a parent to a child who has no one. :)  I admit even at the start of today, I was feeling frustrated and depressed at this fact-especially when I know some of those critics. But as we end the day, not only are complete strangers clicking SHARE for our video (which I pray gets others thinking about adoptive parenting) but our fundraising total has reached $990.34! 

I am completely shocked and humbled.

Know that tonight, as I continue in my second shift working on creating art that will soon be featured in the Etsy store we are setting up, I will be thanking God for those people who have decided that this single, flawed mama and her family is worth spending a moment of time in sharing our story, praying, or even donating money towards the future addition to our family.

Passing the time...

My brother and his wife are expecting their first child and we are all sooooo excited.Their little boy was actually supposed to join us last week but he seems to like his current accommodations too much! A couple of weeks ago, I started to make a 'portable' growth chart for the new nephew since they live in an apartment. 

As the due date has gotten closer, I've been joking that I better get it finished so that we could measure him on it as soon as he was born. Guess he took me seriously since he hasn't arrived yet!

Well,I finally finished his growth chart this morning-all that's left is to put on the measurements. 

Which means, little nephew, it's time to come out and meet everyone.

Give1Save1 Week!

This is it...starting today we are the family of the week on http://give1save1caribbean.blogspot.com . Please check out our video on their website.Yes, we would like to raise some funds for the adoption, but we are praying that it helps others realize that adoption is something that they can do too.

While I don't normally asking for help, this week if you could...

Watch our video.

Pray for our adoption.

Donate (if you are able).

Share the video-spread the word.

I will try to keep everyone updated as to how much we raise during the week. My niece did an awesome job on the video-a must see for that reason alone! 

Thank you for all of your prayers and support!

                             

Exciting News!

No...it's not a referral yet (that would qualify as SUPER exciting news!)

I am thrilled to announce that our family has been selected to be next weeks featured family on http://give1save1caribbean.blogspot.com . What does that mean? Starting on Monday, August 20th people will be able to give one dollar (or possibly more) to help us finish raising the funds for our adoption of Baby B. Not only that they will be able to watch the video that my niece helped me to make, telling our story. I may be a little partial, but I think it's a pretty good way to spend 4 minutes of your day. Please spread the word and send the video to anyone you may know who is thinking about adopting. We tried to make it a little snippet of how much adoption has changed my life for the better, as well as what the adoption process entails.

Just B...

Still

I just finished a major project. Major! (More on that soon). I also am in the process of transferring to a different school for teaching which entails a bit of planning. Oh, and I have a million and one projects that I started back in June that have not really gotten finished...like the tiling in the downstairs bathroom, painting the new bedrooms and family room downstairs, weeding most of my flower beds (!), going through the boxes of junk in the basement that I no longer want, finishing a children's book that I wrote for my son. The list could go on and on.
 
I have a tendency to do too much, think too much, worry too much, plan too much...Outwardly, I am smiling and peaceful,  inside there is a constant hum of activity and plans. Consequently, I end up feeling guilty and inadequate-all because my good intentions for all of the good things that I wanted to do, only get half done or not done to the level I would like.It's kind of like setting yourself up to fail.

My new goal is to cut myself some slack, and just slow down. I have gotten the important stuff done this summer. I've spent time with my son and our dossier is translated and waiting to be mailed Haiti as soon as receive our referral and I've started making consistent time to read my Bible again.


So, I am going to take a deep breath and just be. No expectations. No plans. No pressure.

☻At least for tonight.☺

Be still, and know that I am God  Psalm 46:10

Cooking, Learning, and Waiting

Waiting for a referral is hard. This time around, it seems almost unreal that I will receive a referral...ever. And if I do get a referral, that it will actually result in my child coming home to be part of our family. Keeping myself busy and moving forward helps to hold off this negative train of thought.

With Little Man, I spent the year or so before he came home learning Amharic and trying to educate myself about the culture of Ethiopia. By the time I went to Addis Ababa, I had learned enough Amharic to understand some of what was being said around me, although I didn't have the confidence to speak it myself. It helped pass the time, and I felt like I was preparing myself to become part of his culture. That seemed only fair since he was going to be asked to assimilate to ours. I want to make sure that my children are always proud of their birth countries.

Food is love they say. Since Little Man and I both love food, we are going to be learning how to make some Haitian recipes while we wait for Baby B. Over the past (almost) four years, I have tried out several different Ethiopian dishes. Some have been a success, some not so much. Little Man loves when I make anything Ethiopian and will tell me " This is so good Mama, you should enter it in one of those recipe contests!" What a sweetie. I know he's not necessarily the best judge, but he appreciates the effort. Hopefully I will be as successful with Haitian dishes.
 
 As for learning Kreyole, I am really hoping the three years of French that I took in high school will come in handy. The odds are that I will be bringing home a toddler again (Little Man was almost 3 when he came home). It is sooooo hard for a little one who has just learned to communicate to suddenly be plopped down into another culture where once again-no one understands them! The Amharic I had learned really helped with Little Man's transition, so I am hoping that learning Kreyole will help Baby B.

I have to remind myself of Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

In the meantime, I will cook... "Lè pou manje!"

Give1Save1 Caribbean Blog Hop

Welcome visitors from the Give1Save1Caribbean blog hop. We are currently in the waiting process to receive a referral from Haiti. We hope and pray that Little Man will know who his brother or sister is by the end of September. In the meantime feel free to stop in to catch a glimpse of our journey to become a family of three.

Being Afraid

I have kept a journal for most of my adult life, but I was never going to be a blogger.

It seemed somewhat odd to me to imagine that anyone would want to know about my life. Ironically, I have followed blogs that I have found interesting and helpful to me at different times. So, it wasn't that I was 'against' blogging. I just didn't think it was for me. However, being a person who analyzes things maybe too much, I have been making a running blog-type commentaries to myself for years. I was afraid to blog, because that would mean opening myself up to the world and what their opinion of my life would be. But, I have discovered in the past few years that while the path I have chosen doesn't seem unique to me, to others it can seem unusual. And so they ask questions, and I try to answer them the best that I can.

In the case of adoption, I feel (judging from others questions about the subject) that many people would adopt but are afraid. Afraid to ask the questions of adoptive families (we don't mind answering them), afraid it would be more than they can handle (probably more than you think), afraid of how it may change their family (it definitely will), afraid of how much it would cost (depends on the country), afraid to ask for help (that's what we are here for.).

When it comes down to two choices, and they are both within God's will, choose the crazier of the two. Put yourself out there, and let God work out the details.

Beautiful Day

Okay, so I have issues with cool August days. It definitely is nice to have a reprise from the heat of July. I love a break from the heat. I might even mow the yard during the day for a change. Today is sunny, with a nice breeze but there is something in the air that I don't care for. I believe most would call it the hint of fall.

Don't get me wrong, I love fall. It's so beautiful and the sound of the the leaves crunching beneath my feet as I walk through the woods is one of my favorite sounds. But fall means school. As a teacher, I love my job! Honestly, teaching is something that I feel called to do and I am thankful to have found I job but I truly love. This year, I will even be working at the school that my son attends which will be great!

I don't know if this makes any sense but part of me feels like a kid again when summer comes. As a kid, August and the county fair (which is going on as we speak) meant the beginning of the end for me. Usually, we would have already gone back to school shopping for clothes, notebooks, etc. and the fair was kind-of 'it' for me. After that, the weather was not always warm enough to swim everyday our normal summer activity. Well, I suppose it probably was but I was too busy dreading the start of school to enjoy it. You would think being a teacher, I would have loved school as a child. Nope. I loved the freedom to just roam around our property, catching frogs, wandering the woods, reading.

So. My goal this month with my Little Man is to try to pack in as much fun as humanly possible without tiring us out to the point that we will be wrecks once school starts. Oh, and to put away my internal 'little kid' until next summer. She was getting cranky anyway.

 Now the only question is...do we go to the fair tonight or tomorrow?

Creative Session

Two of my nieces and I spent yesterday afternoon making some products for the Etsy site we are getting ready to open. We have been planning it for awhile, but I told them it's time to make it happen. Hopefully (fingers crossed) we will have enough items made to get the shop up and running within the week. I am always very filled with ideas, but a little deficient in my follow through. So, I've roped in my creative nieces to try to keep me motivated and actually start selling my art again.I am an insecure artist-making stuff but always thinking it's just a little bit of nothing. Giving away instead of selling what I have made. With the adoption expenses and now adding Baby B to the family, it is time to add a little extra income.

The bonus is, I love making random bits of art.

Now if I can just keep my somewhat A.D.D. self focused enough to get these projects done that I have started... 

Just B...

Bold!

When I get to the end of my life I want people to say that I lived boldly and dared to dream big. Part of that process of reaching that goal has been my decision to become a single mom, through adoption.

As a child, I always thought that I would go to college, get married, have a couple of biological children, and then adopt a couple as well (oh and be a stay at home mom)....in that order. Nice, comfortable, safe, planned.  As it has turned out, God has had distinctly different plans for my life.

When I reached thirty and found myself living life as a single working professional I decided that my life was pretty good. I worked with kids for a living (for a time as an administrator in a youth development organization, but mainly as a teacher). I enjoyed having the freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted. In fact I may have enjoyed it a bit too much. Ironically, I distinctly remember driving in my car one beautiful summer day thinking to myself "this isn't so bad, living my life doing what I want, taking vacations whenever and wherever I want..." God seems to get a good laugh at all of my attempts to live life too safely, and selfishly.  Almost immediately, I was inundated with almost daily nudges to turn my entire life upside down by adopting.

After praying, journaling, talking to my pastor, the 'church ladies', friends, family, and praying some more- I decided that going to an educational class about adoption would be okay. Just to get some more information. Well, I could probably attend the two day session for more info. When I returned home from those two days of sessions from everything from international adoption, to older child adoption issues I realized that I could see the eyes of my future son when I closed my eyes. There was a two year old boy in Ethiopia waiting for me. Had I received a referral yet? No. But I knew I would recognize him when I saw his picture. God gave me the verse Isaiah 54 as a guide (amongst other verses). Although it speaks to the barren and the widow a close friend of mine came to me having felt that the same verse was mean for me.

Goodbye money, free time, concerts, mochas...

Turns out I didn't need any of those things!