Looking Towards the Future

Do you remember making fortune tellers in school? I hadn't really thought about them in years, but the students in school are big on making them right now. We had a fun night at the school a couple of weeks ago and I, appropriately enough, had crafts going on int my room. I had paper cut for origami and a couple of really simple projects.

Unfortunately, all the kids wanted to make were fortune tellers.

Little Man likes making fortune tellers as art pieces. Each one is progressively smaller, then he stacks them all up. (Those are some of his creations in the picture above.)

It's funny how even at a very young age we want to know the future. We like to think that we can plan out our path, imagining our perfect life. When I was little I thought I would be a cute little cheerleader like my mom had been. I outgrew that dream (literally) by fifth grade. 

I apparently wasn't that quick of a learner though because I continually tried making plans for my distant future for years. Pretty much all of them fell through. Not that that is a bad thing. My childhood (or teen or twenty-something) hopes and dreams were limited in their scope. I didn't know then what I would need in my life in the future. I just thought I knew.

Finally, I started to let go of my plans, my need for control, and let life happen. As soon as I did that, God started giving me back my dreams one by one, in ways I had never expected. The life I envisioned for myself was much smaller than the life I have now. 

God's vision for my future is much greater than my own. (Imagine that!) The highs have been higher and the lows have been lower than I ever thought that I would experience. God truly does know me better than I know myself. 

What will my future hold? Only God knows...but Little Man can make me a fortune teller if I want to take  any wild guesses. ☺

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Selfies vs Selfless

I was teaching my art classes how to draw self portraits the other day. Shortly after passing out the mirrors I began witnessing a variety of Facebook 'selfie' faces. I was a little taken aback. A room full of elementary students who had already mastered the art of putting a false mask on for the world. I immediately decided to explain the difference between a self portrait, and a selfie.

The experience got me to thinking. The words share the same root, yet are worlds apart in meaning. Which one are children seeing modeled more in life? Which one is getting the most attention? After all, isn't getting attention the motivator for many children's behavior? (Sheesh, aren't there many adults that still are craving attention?)

I would like to change this trend. Let's start giving SELFLESSNESS the attention it deserves. What if, we started to flood the internet with acts of selflessness, instead of selfies? What if, people started brainstorming together about ways they could help others, without expecting anything in return? An entire movement of 'other' focused thinking instead of 'me' focused.

self·less

ˈselfləs/

adjective

1. 1.

   concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own; unselfish.

   "an act of selfless devotion"

   synonyms:

   unselfish, altruistic, self-sacrificing, self-denying; More

Here's what I'm proposing. Please restore my faith in humanity and join me on this one. Look for someone acting selflessly. Post it in the comments or on our FB wall (if it's a story you've found on FB, share the link). Share this post. Get your friends involved. Let those children in our lives see that we are focusing on what's really important.

 Let's start something here.

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Toddler Adoption: Things I've Learned

I had almost forgotten what it was like bringing home a toddler. Little Man has been home five years. Five years is a long time. Plus, Baby B is almost a year younger than Little Man was when he came home. What a huge difference a year makes! I feel like God gave me Baby B to show me that I had a lot to learn.

However, a few things have helped me through both adoptions.

Prayer 
There will be hard days. Days when both you and your child will be crying, or angry. That is a given. There may even be some days that you find yourself wondering if you've made a huge mistake. Nights when you will lie awake with all of the worst case scenarios running through your head. When you wonder if things will ever feel normal again. I'm here to tell you they will. Pray. God will help you through it. Still feel stressed and overwhelmed? Pray some more.

Patience 
Your child will test your limits in more ways than you ever knew was possible. They will find every one of your buttons and push them. Or your child will remain distant despite all of your attempts to enter their quality world. Take a deep breath. Keep trying. Talk out loud to yourself if they don't want to communicate with you. They ARE listening and watching and learning. This is the infant stage of your relationship. Give it time to grow. Baby steps.

Perseverance
Some days you will want to give up. Your child, the one you prayed for, and waited for may be sad/angry/distant/fearful/etc.and you secretly fear it will last forever. You will feel wounded. Why does your child not love you? Why are they not responding? Never give up. Be the constant in their life. Be consistent. Things are changing. You are tough. You've come this far and you're in it for the long hall. Press on.

Play 
Find ways to play. Laugh together. Get creative finding ways to encourage face to face interactions.Paint or put stickers on each other's faces. Throw a ball back and forth. Toss a balloon around your living room. Hop through mud puddles. Go to a children's museum. Take a road trip. Form memories together as a family. This is huge. The more history you share, the more you will begin to feel like family and the more your child will feel like they belong.

Prune Juice (or popcorn or hot dogs...)
Your toddler may have food issues during the transition. What your child was supposed to like so much, may just be a reminder of the orphanage now. Food now tastes different, smells different, it may even have a different consistency. Both Little Man and Baby B had foods that went from being favorites to being something that they could barely stomach.

Keep trying, be creative.

Baby B recently decided that she no longer cares to drink water during the day. Or go 'number 2'  (Which, if you think about what being dehydrated does to you, who can blame her.) After two weeks of misery on both of our parts, I decided to pull out 'the big guns'. Yep. Prune juice and popcorn. Plus, oatmeal, and lots of fruit and veggies. No bowels can resist that combination.

Toddler adoption can be tricky and very tiring at times. But it's worth it.

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Birthdays

Today is my birthday, something I am grateful to be celebrating. I've never minded adding another year to my age, and I mind even less now that I am a cancer survivor.

I plan on making it to 99, so the way I see it, I'm not even half way there!

However, it was a hard day. If I had my way I would have skipped it all together. Today is my first of many birthdays without my dad and I miss him. A lot.

But then, people kept wishing me 'happy birthday.' A few my classes sang happy birthday. I came home to a funny card from one of my sisters (thankfully a funny card) and chocolate (my favorite). My mom treated me by making a dinner of salmon with sweet potatoes, salad, and cupcakes with lemon pudding on top. Yum.

I still miss my dad. But it was still a happy birthday. I hope your day was good as well.

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The Parent Olympics

The Olympics are always inspiring to me. The dedication and drive it takes to achieve that level of athletic excellence amazes me. My life in comparison doesn't always seem so, well...amazing.

To quote "You've Got Mail "  Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? 

Except, parenting is brave. One of the bravest things there is, when done right. Small, helpless humans entrusted into our care for eighteen years or so. Their future dependent on how we choose to love and guide them throughout every day of their lives.

Keeping that in mind (and the fact that it's a little late for me to be an Olympian) I was thinking about those aspects of my 'valuable, but small life' that would qualify for "The Parent Olympics."

Yes, they exist...I just invented them. ☺Here are some events I think I might have a chance at medaling in.

Sibling peacekeeping.
Two or more cranky children, one parent, you get the idea.

Food cutting challenge.
How fast can you cut up your child's food into bite size pieces (while they sit in the high chair crying)?

Lego phone run.
One living room, a box of dumped Legos, let's run for the phone.

Bedtime Story Reading
Can you read the bedtime story correctly, all the way to the end without falling asleep?

Closely followed by...

Midnight diaper change.
Dark room. Sleep deprivation. Wet baby.

The 'Angry Eyes' Stare Down
Stop the misbehaving child's behavior, using only your eyes.

Missing shoe scramble
It's time to leave for school, and your child can only find one shoe. Who can find the missing shoe in the shortest time?

'New Math' Homework
Help the student complete the math homework...using the 'new math' rules.

Snow-pants Wrangling
Cloth the small child in full snow attire. Points are deducted for all chins that are zipped up in the process. (If you live in an area with cold winter weather, you know what I'm talking about.)

The Interrogation
A room full of toddlers. One adult. Lots of questioning. Automatic DQ for crying under the pressure (crying by the parents that is.)

The games have already begun but we still are allowing late entries. What events would you medal in?

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Barely Relevant

Not long ago I was having a conversation with my brother and niece about some band that I had never heard of. They were incredulous. Apparently this group is a big deal. My brother just looked at me after a brief pause and said, "Wow, you're hardly even relevant."

It was ironic actually. I used to be up on all of that 'pop culture' stuff. Movies, music, fashion, etc. Even random facts that I didn't know I had 'absorbed' would come to me in conversations. Sigh, I was almost cool.

I've made a conscious effort to not keep up with what is in during the past few years. What's the big movie of the day? Who knows. Whose song is number one on the top 40 charts? Don't care. Which stars are dating each other? REALLY don't care. What's the 'in' way to wear your hair, the best nail color, the coolest style of jeans? Sometimes I wish I knew-but then I realized that it's an awful lot of work to keep up with it all. I maintain a mildly curious attitude about fashion styles. After all I don't want to be the person walking around in mom jeans. But, there are also things that I just like to wear, because I just like to wear them. Boots for one. And turtleneck sweaters. I love turtleneck sweaters-maybe because I have short hair most of the time and they keep me warmer. Sigh.

I have developed other interests that while not necessarily part of pop culture, they are interesting to me.

I've always been into gardening but lately I've become interested in aquaponics. As soon as I figure out how to set up a system for our family, I'm totally in! And, I dream of  raising enough organic produce that we have extra to can or freeze.

Cardboard sculptures and toys. They are awesome. I've been pinning ideas for awhile. Once I make some, I'll post some pics. I've been saving some cardboard for a project that I have in mind.

http://www.recyclart.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/MG_6713.jpg

Oh, and I'd love to have a greenhouse of my own (or better yet, a conservatory attached to the back side of the house.) Plus the writing I've been doing. I've set a deadline of trying to finish one of the books by May. And Little Man and Baby B would have so much fun in a tree house.

While, all of these things are not necessarily the coolest of pursuits, I like to pretend that I'm so off from the mainstream that I'm almost a 'hipster.'. ☺

So, am I irrelevant now? Why yes, little brother, thank you for noticing.

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"Other People's Children"

Once, about ten years ago, someone told me that she thought it would, just be so sad if I never had kids "of my own" and "just took care of other people's children." The statement really rubbed me the wrong way. At the time, I was working at a middle school and loving my job. I was content with my current life situation, and I was offended by the idea that a life without children would somehow be seen as less worthy of a life. (Does making a difference in the life of a child only count if you are that child's parent? I don't think so.)

Just the other day, remembering that statement from years ago it got me thinking.

I am now the mom of two, and a teacher. I spend my workdays pouring myself into the life of the students that I work with and trying to save some part of myself for my own children when I am at home. I take my job very seriously and try to honor the trust parents have placed in me, as their child's teacher.

There is a danger I have found, however, in losing too much of myself at work. In putting so much of who I am into "other people's children" that I don't have enough for my kids. Not even close. The majority of the time, I feel like I am in a race from Monday through Friday. I know as a parent I am not unique in feeling this way.

However, am I treating my own children as well as I treat 'other people's children.'

With other people's children, I tend to be on my best behavior. I greet them with a smile, and a "how are you today?" I get down on their level. I play with them. I take the time to ask them about things that would be important to them. I don't immediately get after them if they are misbehaving. If I do feel the need to step in, I use restraint in my tone and manner. A certain amount of diplomacy is always necessary when redirecting children that are not your own. I approach them gently, kindly, but firmly giving choices and consequences. I try to make them feel respected, listened to, and important. Always conscious of the fact that they are someone's baby.

How often do I come home, barely paying attention to my own children as they vie for my attention?

Is my voice always kind? Do I get down on their level to listen to them, or do I ignore them? Do they feel important and listened to? Are they redirected gently but firmly. Are the choices and consequences clearly stated so they know their boundaries and aren't surprised when they get in trouble? Do I remember on those crazy hectic days, that Little Man and Baby B are MY babies?

I'm sure that you can guess the answer to these questions.

I have spent years trying to find the best way to reach the students I work with. Studying formally, and informally different methods to maximize learning and bring out the best in each child. Unfortunately, some days I feel like I am a pretty good teacher, and just an O.K. mom. I would like to change this. Permanently. I need to remember that teaching is my job, not my life. It's time to start 'studying' my own children and finding out the different ways to bring out their best. In fact, that is something that I have been working on during the past few weeks. That's why I've been a bit absent from blog-land. I've been noticing a change in my kids (and myself) already.

So, while I am no longer caring just for other people's children, I've decided that I am going to try to take care of my children as if they are exactly that. Make sense? ☺



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