"Other People's Children"

Once, about ten years ago, someone told me that she thought it would, just be so sad if I never had kids "of my own" and "just took care of other people's children." The statement really rubbed me the wrong way. At the time, I was working at a middle school and loving my job. I was content with my current life situation, and I was offended by the idea that a life without children would somehow be seen as less worthy of a life. (Does making a difference in the life of a child only count if you are that child's parent? I don't think so.)

Just the other day, remembering that statement from years ago it got me thinking.

I am now the mom of two, and a teacher. I spend my workdays pouring myself into the life of the students that I work with and trying to save some part of myself for my own children when I am at home. I take my job very seriously and try to honor the trust parents have placed in me, as their child's teacher.

There is a danger I have found, however, in losing too much of myself at work. In putting so much of who I am into "other people's children" that I don't have enough for my kids. Not even close. The majority of the time, I feel like I am in a race from Monday through Friday. I know as a parent I am not unique in feeling this way.

However, am I treating my own children as well as I treat 'other people's children.'

With other people's children, I tend to be on my best behavior. I greet them with a smile, and a "how are you today?" I get down on their level. I play with them. I take the time to ask them about things that would be important to them. I don't immediately get after them if they are misbehaving. If I do feel the need to step in, I use restraint in my tone and manner. A certain amount of diplomacy is always necessary when redirecting children that are not your own. I approach them gently, kindly, but firmly giving choices and consequences. I try to make them feel respected, listened to, and important. Always conscious of the fact that they are someone's baby.

How often do I come home, barely paying attention to my own children as they vie for my attention?

Is my voice always kind? Do I get down on their level to listen to them, or do I ignore them? Do they feel important and listened to? Are they redirected gently but firmly. Are the choices and consequences clearly stated so they know their boundaries and aren't surprised when they get in trouble? Do I remember on those crazy hectic days, that Little Man and Baby B are MY babies?

I'm sure that you can guess the answer to these questions.

I have spent years trying to find the best way to reach the students I work with. Studying formally, and informally different methods to maximize learning and bring out the best in each child. Unfortunately, some days I feel like I am a pretty good teacher, and just an O.K. mom. I would like to change this. Permanently. I need to remember that teaching is my job, not my life. It's time to start 'studying' my own children and finding out the different ways to bring out their best. In fact, that is something that I have been working on during the past few weeks. That's why I've been a bit absent from blog-land. I've been noticing a change in my kids (and myself) already.

So, while I am no longer caring just for other people's children, I've decided that I am going to try to take care of my children as if they are exactly that. Make sense? ☺



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