Our Own Worst Self

There has been a common theme in many of the conversations I have been having with people over the past few weeks. Discussions of struggle and regret, hurt and second chances. This post is one that I wrote some time ago but was waiting for the right time to post it. 

I think now is that time.

Everyone has those days. Days where we are the worst version of ourselves. Days as parents that we wish we could go back and have a do over. Days where we are stressed to the max and are just doing the best that we can to just get by.

If we are one of the lucky one's, we have people around us who support us through these tough times. Who give us grace and understanding, walking alongside us until we reach the other side of our struggle.  They know we will do better next time. They are able look at the big picture, and don't hold our mistakes against us.

Sadly, we are not always supported by such people. There are those who prefer to keep track of and tally up every one of our mistakes, to be used against us later. Delighting in our failures. Rather than looking at our whole lives, they take our worst mistakes and use them as the moments that define how they view us. Whether it happened yesterday or 40 years ago, they revel in their self proclaimed role as judge and jury.

I have often thought that it would feel great to be able to put those people in their place. To really tell them what I think of them and set them straight once and for all. In reality, I know nothing I say would really matter to someone bent on focusing on another person's faults. Even bringing the proverbial mirror up for them to look into would have no impact on what they believed. They are virtually flawless, or (at the very least) much better than most.

So, I have tried to create boundaries for myself and my children to keep a distance from such judgement. I try to learn from those experiences of being judged and serve up grace, instead of condemnation, on those around me. It doesn't always work, but I keep trying.

After all, who doesn't have moments in life where they wish they'd made different choices, or handled things a little differently? I know that I do (usually daily.)

Thankfully, as L.M. Montgomery wrote in Anne of Green Gables, "Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?"



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