Beauty from Ashes

Much like the ferns that first spring up after a fire, adoption is new life springing from great loss.

Baby B is losing everything that is familiar to her. She will be losing her country, her cuisine, her creche (the only family she has ever known), her language.  Things will smell differently, the bed will feel different, the food, the trees,  and the people will be different. The natural rhythm of her day will change (Midwestern time flows at a different rate than Haitian time). 

Even the air smells different.

When I visit Haiti, it is a complete culture shock.  I spend most of my time reaching back into the far corners of my mind trying to remember my high school French so that I can communicate with those around me somewhat. Baby B will not have that luxury. She has no prior knowledge to access. Just as she is beginning to get a good grasp on her birth language and being able to communicate her needs- we are taking that away from her. 

How do you explain to a two year old that it will all be okay? That you are there to take care of her. That she will grow to love her new family, and her new home? That soon she will understand her new 'normal'? That this time you will stay forever?

 You hold your breath and tread lightly. You move slowly. You carefully dole out all of your stored up affection in little bits. You cry with her when she grieves a loss that she can't yet understand. You laugh together at the little things. You celebrate little successes. You give her room, but stay close. You run whenever she calls. You waltz together in that dance called becoming a family.

 To say that I am excited about the idea of my little girl coming home within the next couple of months would be an understatement. We are so close now. I am so happy that my girl will soon be home. I can hardly wait to shower her with love, and to be her mom. Little Man has a whole list of things that he wants to teach his baby sister. We are going to have so much fun together! 

But it's important for me not to forget all that she's come from, because that also will be with her throughout her life. 

My precious little Baby B. 

3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

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My Little Girl

It will be awhile before we get Baby B home. Our paper work is still sitting in the same office that it has sat in since May. This is our first real long delay and it is hard. 

Baby B will turn two next month, but we so wanted her home before her second birthday. 

I guess we will have to celebrate her birthday late this year.

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Haiti Trip Part 3: Becoming Mama

One of the best things that I did on this trip was to bring a photo book with pictures of Baby B, Little Man, and myself (Mama) from our first trip. My thinking was the more pictures that Baby B has of us together, the more it will start to become real to her that we are in fact a family. 

We belong together.

I had an older book that I used made by Sassy that I had put pictures in when Little Man came home from Ethiopia.

They still make the books, but I had a short notice about travelling for my Embassy visit and didn't have time to order a new one. (Thursday afternoon I was notified of my appointment, Monday I was flying off to Haiti).

One thing that surprised me with the book was that as Baby B and I looked over the pictures together with the other babies, and toddlers around, the other little peanuts were learning our names as well! B loved telling everyone who was in the book with her.

When I came to visit the second day, there were calls of 'Mama, Mama' from every verbal child in the younger group as I entered the locked courtyard.

Imagine a room filled with 10 to 15 little ones ranging in age from newborn to three.

 Enter a really tall Caucasian lady, bearing stickers and bubble soap. 

To say I was swarmed would be an understatement.

While Baby B and I spent a great deal of time playing on our own, we also spent a portion of every visit with Baby B showing me off to her friends and the nannies. I felt it was very important for me to form memories with her in her 'old life' to start our history together and to bridge the transition when she comes home.

Anyone who knows me knows I am unable to let a baby cry. If they are crying, there is a reason. Luckily my arms are strong and I'm using to carrying around multiple children.

I'm sure it was very amusing for the nannies to watch 'Mama' going around: scooping up babies, blowing bubbles, handing out hugs, turning down offers of food from two year old's mouths, trying to keep toddlers from ripping toys out of each other hands, having her smooth hair patted by curious little hands...

The nannies are doing a great job, but there are only so many hands to go around. The older children were excited to practice their English with me. A few of them are just waiting for their paperwork to be finalized so that they can go home. Their English is quite good, and you can tell great care is being taken to prepare them for their future families.

 I feel it was an honor and a privilege for me to love on these little children.

 My hope is that perhaps when their forever parents walk through that door to meet them, the transition will be a little easier because they will remember when Baby B's mama came and loved on them. 

Their faces will always be with me, and I will pray that their families come for them soon. They are wonderful little people just waiting to join their forever families.

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Getting Ready for Travelling

I talked to our Haiti coordinator today about our future travel plans. Basically, as soon as we know when we want to travel (within three or four weeks) they will make our appointments for going through court!

 Yikes!

 I can't believe how fast it feels like everything is going right now. Not that I am complaining. I can't wait to get to Port au Prince to hold my little peanut. But having everything happen three months earlier than expected means I am really going to have to hustle my bustle to get everything ready in time-not only in the area of paperwork (Little Man's passport in en route-praying for no delays with it) but also on the financial end of things.

 It is feasible that Baby B could make it home before the end of the school year.

 Before...the end...of ...the ...school...year!

That would awesome, amazing, miraculous (you choose the adjective).

It would also mean that I need to hurry up learning Kreyole, and make a plan about taking  an extended leave from work.  With adopting, I am guaranteed a job if I need to take time off to be with my child, but it is all an unpaid leave. Since I thought I would be bringing Baby B home during the summer, I hadn't really started worrying about that little mountain yet.

 Guess it's time to start getting ready for that possibility.

Little Man and I did a little shopping for Baby B after school today. We purchased some diapers (DIAPERS!), a tiny little swimsuit, a little cloth doll, and a stuffed Mike Wazowski (the green one eyed monster from Monsters, Inc.-guess who picked that out.)

How on earth am I going to get any work done for the next month or so!

Big News!

 During the past two weeks, work has been so insanely busy that I barely have had time to think about our wait for Baby B.  Plus Little Man first was having allergy issues and then picked up his first whopper of a cold for the year. Then, this past Thursday after school as I was telling another parent about our wait for a referral...my cell phone started to ring! I am thrilled to announce that we have received a referral for a little girl! My paperwork is in transit to make everything truly official. It will be a little while before I post an actual picture (I need to find out when it is allowed in the process). You will have to trust me when I say that Baby B is a beautiful little thirteen month old. Little Man is beside himself with excitement. He is just learning how to read and can not wait to read to his little sister.  I am a bit in shock. Thrilled, but in shock and praying that this time there will be a little one who makes it home.

We still have time (probably a year) and some financial hurdles to jump. I am busy trying to make a ton of jewelry and collage prints to sell both online and at a craft show coming up soon.  But now our prayers have a name and face attached to them when we go to bed at night. For those of you who have helped make this happen, thank you doesn't even come close to expressing how I feel for your help.

I will try to be better about keeping people posted. Now that we have a new adorable face to go along with our dream, it will make the rest of the working/waiting towards bringing them home easier in some ways and harder in others.

I am praying for an early homecoming :)