Just B...

Giving

Today I am tired. Really tired. It was my first full week back at work. Baby B has been having some sleep issues-stuffy head from a cold, bad dreams, not able to fall asleep at night, waking up super early.  And I still miss my dad.

This time of year can be wonderful. It can also be hard. Really hard. Christmas will be difficult with my dad gone this year. I have been struggling to maintain a good attitude as life keeps moving forward, without him. Daily tasks are tough some days. But I know that some people are having a much tougher go of it than I am.

I've always believed that the best way to get out of a funk is to help someone else. So,that's what I'm going to do. I am on a mission to make Christmas better for some people that I know and don't know. I have a couple plans already in place. I'm getting excited in fact.

What am I going to do? I'm not going to tell you. But I am going to offer you a challenge. Let's make Christmas special. Do one random kind act for someone. No strings attached. No fanfare. No publicizing for personal pats on the back.

A true Christmas gift.

We give not for praise, but for God.
 Matthew 6:1-4



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Just Be...

A Quitter

Ever notice how sometimes we cling to things and keep pushing in different areas of our life when we really just need to let go? I don't know about you, but I know I have done it many times (and I'm sure, will continue to do so.)  Most recently, I have decided to start a new trend in my life, a be a bit of a quitter.

Now let me clarify. One of our family motto's is (to misquote Winston Churchill) "Never, never, never give up." So, you may ask, how does being a quitter fit in with that motto? Let me explain.

I have been working on potty training with Baby B. She decided that it would be a good area of her life to assert her independence (even though she was the one who wanted to be potty trained in the first place). It has been truly, ahem, lovely. Baby B would stand across the room. Suddenly, she would look me in the eye and mess her pants. You could almost hear thinking, 'Take that Mama!' Or, she would wet her pants and then come happily tell me that they were wet.

Aaaaargh. To say I have been frustrated would be putting it lightly. One day, I left Baby B with Grandma while I went to town for some grocery shopping. When I returned, Grandma told me that Baby B happily would come and tell her whenever she had to go to the bathroom and off they would go. No power struggle whatsoever.

 It was then that I decided that I quit.

The constant frustration just wasn't worth it. (Now, if you're wondering if I was being too pushy with the potty training, I was really trying not to. I was offering rewards when she did go, giving lots of praise. I admit that every hour or so I would say, "Tell Mama if you have to go potty." but I wasn't forcing her to go. ) Baby B is a VERY smart, very independent little girl.  This was just the area that she decided to use that intelligence.

Once I quit, a funny thing happened. My little girl decided that she would go to the potty all the time, instead of in her pants. Yep. All that work for all these weeks and now when I decided I didn't care...

It made me realize that maybe there were other areas in my life that I need to just quit pushing so hard, and let go.

There are people in my life that disappeared when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Now, two years clear, they've come back because my life is now easier to handle. Part of me is tempted to let them back in to my inner circle of trust-but they have already shown that they are not ready for that level of friendship and that's okay.

I often have unrealistic expectations about how my house, myself,  my family, or my life should look.

There are projects that I have taken on for who knows what reason...maybe appearance sake? Then, when I can't complete them to my satisfaction, I beat myself up over it.

Sometimes, something's not working and you can't fix it. Then it's time to move on.

But you know what?

True friends will always be there, whether we see each other frequently or not. My house will never look like a Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot. I will never look like I walked out of a magazine (I don't have stylists to help me with that). There is no such thing as a perfect mom, something I am sooooo thankful for. My children will always be their adorable selves (no stylists needed there ☺) fighting at times like all good siblings do.  Our family will always be a titch quirky. I will really try to not take on random projects, just because I feel that I should.

Anyone else feel like quitting some things with me?

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Just B...

Focused

I just finished running errands with Little Man, Baby B, and Princess Cousin.

Without a list.

Not my best idea ever. We kept running into people that I knew every few minutes as we walked through the stores. Baby B was showing off her tired funny self to cousin. Little Man was all a twitter about his upcoming birthday. Princess Cousin was very helpful. I was like a lost sailor at sea. I apologize if you saw me walking around with glazed eyes and I didn't say 'hi.'

I have always been absent minded and being a mom has definitely not helped matters. Just when my brain seems about to settle on a clear thought, it flies away again in another direction. I blame it on being creative and having so many great ideas floating around in my head.  ☺Nevertheless, I think that it is time to take drastic measures.

That's right. I am going to re-implement the use of .....The List.

In reality, I adore lists. Pretty little planners get me excited. Put me in an office supply store where I can dream about a beautifully organized life and I am glowing. (Never mind the fact that since my attention span is about the length of a gnat I probably will never stay focused long enough to truly organized.)

This would be cute in our kitchen.

Life is pretty busy right now, and only going to get busier when I head back to work. So, it looks like its time to get a new planner (excited giggle). I know that I could use my phone, but it's just not the same. Call me nerdy, old school, whatever, but there's just nothing like putting a pen to paper.

Now, do I go shopping,make one of my own, or use one of these cute free ones from online?

kayleighscraftycreations

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Just Be...

Imperfect
I can be much too hard on myself. Even Little Man has noticed and has gotten after me for it (thanks junior Dad!) I am trying to remedy this. Consciously trying to retrain how my brain talks to me. My internal self talk needs an attitude adjustment. It's okay if I'm not perfect, as long as I keep trying.

God doesn't make junk. I am not perfect, but I am perfectly suited for the places, people and projects that God has brought into my life.  I am perfect for my life, imperfections and all.


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Just B...

...Tricky

Having Baby B home has made me think about many things in new, ahem, more creative ways. 

Take eating a meal, for example. Baby B does not understand why ALL food in view is not for her. She will chow down her plate of food, and if I haven't eaten my food yet she will be very upset (or irate) that I am not giving my food to her.  The same with Little Man's food.  I have actually taken to eating many of my calories while she is sleeping...or hiding in the bathroom.

According to Baby B the old saying is...What's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine?

We are currently potty training Baby B, so hopefully she will be nearly trained by the time Grandma starts taking care of her when I head back to work. I know that Baby B is only two, but she really was not liking having wet or dirty diapers so we started potty training. Then, smart girl that she is, Baby B realized this was an area where she could assert her own will. That girl has bladder and bowel control like you wouldn't believe! Luckily, I have heard many parents who have used the M & M trick...I ended  up using  chocolate chips, along with wild "You did it! What a big girl!" cheering. I never imagined I would be jumping up and down because of someone's successful elimination of body wastes. Hmmm.

Bedtime. I can't be the only parent who pretends to be falling asleep so that their toddler will succumb to Mr. Sandman. She's really good but I always win out in the end, at least so far.

How did I acquire such 'tricky' skills, you may ask. I worked for years with middle school students, have been an aunt for eighteen years and loved every minute of it. I especially love the challenge of getting kids to want to do what I wanted them to do (without them realizing that I was doing it.) 

Always a good time.

Hopefully, these skills will continue to come in handy while I raise Little Man and Baby B. I don't know though, I'm a little afraid that they might start to outsmart me before too long.

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Just B...

Broken

This morning, as some of you already know, Little Man and I had to say goodbye to our Great Pyrenees mix, Emmie.  I had been putting off bringing in Emmie for the entire summer, but this morning I could see it was definitely time. 

Emmie was not the most exciting or energetic dog in the world, but we loved her.  

Driving home after telling Emmie goodbye a startling thought came to mind. Here I was, crying for the loss of my pet who I had been part of our life for years, which is understandable.

But how often do I shed tears (or even think twice) about the human loss and pain in the world around me?

For the elderly sitting in rest-homes with no one to care for them. For the women and children in other countries that are bought and sold as property.  For the children in our country that don't know what it's like to have someone love them unconditionally. For those individuals struggling with mental illness. For those families with special needs children that they love, but who feel overwhelmed.

 When we love, we open ourselves up to great joy, as well as great pain. There is no 'together forever' on this side of Heaven. And so, we must weigh our options. 

Is caring (loving) someone outside of ourselves worth the risk? I think it is.

Thanks Emmie for reminding me of that.

34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

John 13:34-35

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

 but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

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Just B...

...Up

Do you ever get tired of running into those 'bumps' in the road of life? I do. If I had it my way, I would have everything go my way, all the time. 

Who wouldn't?

But, the fact is, I know me. The times I that I have had the most real personal growth in life has been the hard times.  

One of those nasty little bumps in the road has appeared again on my life's highway. I will spare you the details but will sum it up in one word-yuck. So, I'm bracing myself for the journey, and keep looking up (or ahead) adjusting my 'driving' accordingly. 

 It's kind of like travelling down the scenic byways instead of the interstate.

I always hate the rough spots, but once I'm past them, I know that I will love the view.

 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose. ~Romans 8:28

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Just B...

...Impulsive (sort-of)

So, I sometimes resist change. Quite often, I am comfortable with the status quo. The unknown can freak me out. However, I have learned or rather, am learning that it is worth it to do the impulsive thing once in a while. 

Let me explain. 

Have you ever had the urge to compliment someone on how they looked and resisted giving the compliment? I know I have.

I used to feel weird about giving out those compliments. But, one day I decided I was being silly. What have I got to lose? Will someone get mad at me for giving them a compliment about how they look? 

How about if I tell them they are doing their work well?  

Will they complain when I help them by putting away their grocery cart?

What if I pick up some garbage as I walk down the road-without anyone asking me to?

How about if I buy a meal for that person, instead of just giving her money so she can buy a 'pop'?

There a million little things that a person can do to make the world a little bit better place. I think it's a good thing for Little Man and Baby B to see me caring about the world around me, without having any expectations to 'get' anything back in return.

Little things.

Some people may think it an odd, but I am going to try to be a little more 'impulsive' from now on.

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Just B...

...Peaceful

We have had a crazy few days this past week. The weather was cool and rain was in the forecast so I decided it was time to try to tackle some of the projects that we had put off all summer. Basically,my sister and her kids helped Little Man and I in gutting our house of all the extra stuff that I have stored for "maybe, one day..."   It feels sooooo good to get rid of stuff. I love having less and I hope to continue this trend. 

Then last night Little Man had an injury that required a visit to urgent care early this morning. It wasn't so bad that we needed to rush to the ER but, I will spare you our photos (yes, there are photos). 

We are wiped out.

Today, I really should be painting our basement.  Or going through the remainder of the paperwork that I had neatly (ahem) stored.  Really there is much left to do, and I know that I need to get any extra work done now before Baby B comes home.

However, after the hectic week we have had, Little Man declared that it would be a peaceful day today. Smart guy. You don't have to ask me twice. I'm all in. 

Maybe we should head out picking some more raspberries? 

Who would like to join me?

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Just B...

...Late

Now just let me explain.

I am notoriously late with delivering birthday cards. I will find the perfect card months ahead of time, and then lose it by the time the birthday comes. Everyone in my family knows that my card will usually be late. 

Christmas cards . I will order them early, even get them all addressed and then forget to mail them so...yep you got it, late.

My 'Just B' post this time around...late.

The old me would have felt guilty about getting behind on things, so I would keep busy doing stuff to avoid what I had gotten behind on.Then, I would have gotten further behind, which would mean more avoidance activities...etc., etc., etc. You get the picture.

Do I condone never even trying to be on time? No, of course not. But, if I am late, I can't beat myself up about it anymore. Sometimes, it will happen. I am trying to get better with my lateness. I have started to keep those early purchased birthday cards in my car glove compartment so that I don't lose them. 

For those times when I am late, I've decided that my late card (or letter) is just extending the celebration of the birthday or holiday that it was originally intended for. At least I hope that's how my family and friends feel.

You'll have to excuse me now, I have some thank yous and cards that I need to mail. (They were supposed to have been mailed in June.)

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Just B...

...Stubborn (kind of)

Today was a bit of an odd day for me. As part of the oddness of the day, I encountered someone who acted as if my self professed stubbornness was a bad thing. Can you imagine! Truly, I don't think my stubbornness is necessarily a bad thing.

You see, I am part Finnish. We don't like to call our stubbornness, 'stubbornness', we call it sisu.

Sisu

The ineffable spirit or inner fire that Finns call upon when all
strength seems spent.

Because of Sisu we (Finns) find it possible to do almost anything
except betray our honor or compromise our ideals.

Sisu is extraordinary endurance!

Sounds a lot nicer than stubborn doesn't it? Without sisu, I wouldn't have done so many things in my life: get two teaching degrees simultaneously, bring my children home as a single mom, kick Hodgkin's butt, go back to work full time two weeks after donating a kidney.

So...here's to stubbornness (or sisu)!

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Just B...

...Yourself

Little Man had his second soccer tournament today. The tournament was an invitational that the area soccer association sponsors each summer. You see, although he has been playing soccer for years, I have been hesitant to have Little Man begin playing at the competitive level.  

Little Man has the World Cup written into his version of the future. He's all, "GO! GO! GO!" I more like, "Are you having fun? Good. Want a snack? Let's have everyone be a winner. Okay?" 

The truth: I am a little bit afraid to be a soccer mom. There. I said it.

Competitive sports have never been my thing. I'm more of the artsy, drama, music, nature hikes, non-competitive kinda mom.

I've seen all of those parents who are totally into soccer and some of them are scary. They make me want to cry! I can't imagine how their kids feel. I don't want to turn into that. Plus they sit there and trash talk the kids on the other team so horribly. I sit there thinking, "Wait a minute. Aren't these seven and eight year old kids that you are lacerating and beating down verbally? Wait...is that MY seven year old you're talking about?!"

There is a fine line between supporting your child and being, how should I say this... overzealous. I'm determined to stay true to myself, while helping him navigating the world of competition.

In the next couple of weeks, Little Man is going to be making the jump into competitive soccer. I am terrified, but determined to make sure I keep track of what is best for him, and still balance his schedule so that he won't be over-stressed. I am praying for him to be put on a team where the kids (and their parents) have a good outlook about what is important in life. I'm praying for a coach that teaches the kids well and brings out the best in them without berating them. 

I'm praying that I can be adequately supportive of Little Man's love of soccer. He is naturally drawn to anything athletic and usually picks up on any sport easily. That's who he is. I am starting to think that maybe I am here to make sure he stays well rounded (and he's here to get me up and active!)

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Just B...

...Compassionate

I like to imagine myself a compassionate person. Truly, I think I do pretty well at caring for others and their circumstances. I really do care. Unfortunately, it is easier for me to care about some people than others. Sometimes (shocking I know) that's because I am the one with the issue (not them).

 That's usually right about the time that I am slapped in the face by my own hardness of heart towards another's circumstances. 

Ouch.

The Face of Christ

by Chris Rice

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Just B...

...Eclectic

I am a bit eclectic. 

Example: I like to dress nice, and try to look put together.  But, truth be told, I feel super cool (or 'hot' if you will) when I'm wearing grubby clothes and running my dad's Bobcat.(I know, right?! It is totally cool!)

My parents raised an independent girl, who doesn't mind getting dirty and loves to make stuff.

 But, I hate the feeling of dirt under my nails...but, I love working with clay...but, I'm allergic to dust...

I am not much of a world traveler, yet I have two children from other countries.

You get the idea.

I used to feel a bit at odds with these idiosyncrasies of mine. But, as I creep closer forty, I've made peace with myself. Plus, being an eclectic has become a lot more 'hip' these days.

This morning, as Little Man and I drank our Ethiopian coffee (mine with a little bit of Vanilla Almond Milk), from the espresso mugs I made in college, while listening to Johnny Cash sing "Ring of Fire" on the radio...I had to smile. Then we were off for the day. Little Man fluffed up his mohawk, pulled on his railroad worker style pants, and we drove to Grandma and Grandpa's while listening to Adventures in Odyssey.

As you go through your days, I hope that you also feel free to defy easy labels and just be yourself.

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Just B...

...Loved

 Guess what? You're special and God created you for a reason. That rainbow you saw the other day after it rained...put there for you.

Your life has purpose.

 It's up to you to find it (but God will help nudge you in the right direction if you ask).

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Just B...

Simple

There is an old Shaker song that I have loved my entire life that speaks about living life simply. I've never known more than just the first few lines of the song, so I decided to look up all of the lyrics.

My goal is to get my life simplified down as much as possible before I bring home Baby B. Nothing to distract me from the precious moments that I will be spending with her and Little Man (summer is slipping by and she still isn't home).

What things are truly important to me? 

What things can I let go of?

 What expectations am I putting on myself that I need to release?

Simply put, all I want to do is enjoy time with my kids.

Who's with me?

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Just B...

...Organized

Today was our first Saturday of summer vacation. It felt like we truly kicked it into high gear today for 'summer fun' (although this past Tuesday was my last official day of work for the school year and we've been playing with the cousins for several days).

 Little Man and I are determined to not to waste a moment, but I am a little concerned about two things. First, burnout (if we try to do too much too fast). Second, me (being myself)not keeping track of the time and thereby wasting most of it!

Luckily, I am a lover of lists. So...I decided to make one to stick on my refrigerator, and help me get some things done this summer. I'm planning on laminating it or sticking it under glass so that I can use a dry erase marker on it every day (I'm a bit of a Scrooge about wasting paper.)

This is what my first draft looked like. I've almost crossed off every item (mowing will be finished tonight, bars after Little Man goes to bed) , except for the item on the 'I'd love to' category.

Yay me!

 The things on my 'I'd love to...' portion of my list, HAVE TO be moved to the 'I need to...' section if they have sat there for two weeks. Additional items can be added even if one hasn't been crossed off.

Hopefully, this method will work for me.

 I'd love to know, what methods help you stay on track and organized during the summer?

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Just B...

Human

Okay, maybe it's just me, but sometimes I find myself lamenting the fact that my life isn't more perfect.  You know, perfectly cleaned home. Child who never says or does anything embarrassing. 

Who am I kidding! Myself, never doing or saying anything embarrassing. 

Perfection is an impossible standard to live up to. Thankfully, Little Man doesn't have the burden of perfection being modeled for him at home. I am so far from perfect, it would never cross anyone's mind to use that word to describe me.

My house looks like we are getting ready to move. This spring, I was going to be part of a community garage sale. Then I got sick the week of the sale and so the stuff has sat. I hope to get rid of the stacks once our summer vacation starts. 

If you know where we live, please don't come over without calling. 

Seriously.

Our flower beds are still untouched this year. The crop of weeds is lovely. We have some awesomely tall dandelions. (We measured one this morning, it was 32 inches tall!)

I am a tad cranky and fatigued some days trying to get all of my school 'stuff' done for the end of the year. Sometimes that means I'm a little short tempered with Little Man. 

But I always apologize.

 I want Little Man to know it's okay to make mistakes. It's okay not to be perfect. Life is not about perfection. It is about allowing yourself to start over. To say you're sorry and try again. To even chuckle over those silly, daily mistakes that we all make. To love each other anyways.

I think Little Man and Baby B should learn that lesson well. After all, they are going to grow up watching the master. ;)

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Just B...

Resilient

Adjective

(of a person or animal) able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.

Life can be rough.  Loved ones can let us down, health can fade, we can lose our jobs, our homes, our friends and family. People may treat us poorly. We fall down. 

The important part is that we get back up again.

I am grateful for my life. But, there have been times where my only response to the pain of life was to drop to my knees at the weight of what I had been handed to deal with. God has always been faithful to get me through. I consider my scars (both the visible and internal ones) badges of honor. With each one, I am brought closer to God. 

Adversity does not mean God cares any less for us. God is there through it all, quietly waiting for us to lean on Him, while he helps us through the rough patches.

Things happen that can feel like they are going to crush us.

But, you know what? Seemingly crushing pressure is how a diamond is formed.

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Just B...

Fearless

Today I took Little Man and one of his friends to the science center. The two of them had big plans on holding all of the snakes so we headed over to that area first. I myself have a fear of snakes. When I was a teenager I stepped on one barefooted. I took off running and I am pretty sure that I didn't touch the ground the rest of the way home...