Home from Haiti Part 2: That Really Nice Lady

On our first trip to Haiti, I knew that Baby B was a tough sell. Whenever our coordinator would go down to check on the children at the creche, every picture she took of Baby B showed her staring at the camera as if to say 'So you're here to take a picture. I don't even know you. Why should I smile at you strange lady." She had her favorite nannies, but she didn't warm up to others very quickly.

After our first visit, everyone was amazed (including me) at how well she attached to us. I was thrilled, but worried at the thought of what our leaving might do to her.

With a child who has a hard time opening up their heart, you don't want to do anything to break the trust that they have given you or they could lock you out forever.

 I was really worried about how she would respond when I returned. Everyone hears about Reactive Attachment Disorder, especially in regards to children brought home after having spent time in an orphanage. Attachment issues for Baby B could be a real possibility if we aren't really careful.

The Haiti coordinator and I decided that when I went back I would not have Baby B stay with me at the guest house.  Even if it broke my heart to not have her spend every moment with me. I would head to the creche to visit her during the day and return to the guesthouse in the evening. I would try not to do any of the typical 'mom' things for her even when I visited her at the creche. No diaper changes, no feeding her meals.

I was to be 'that really nice lady' that came every day to visit (bringing fun stuff with me.) Hopefully, having her see me leave and come back many days in a row would help her while she waited for me to bring her home forever.

I think that our plan worked. The first day when I came to visit, Baby B wasn't sure if she was going to be my friend anymore. She recognized me immediately, but she was still mad that I hadn't taken her with us when we left her back at the creche on the first visit.

My poor baby. It breaks my heart.

Although she didn't want to look at me for the first hour or so, I made sure I sat where she could watch the two of us interact in the reflection of a glass door. I knew she was scared to let me back in (and risk getting hurt again.) But she couldn't resist sneaking peaks at Mama.

 It was hard work trying to stay mad at Mama.

Stickers, bubble soap, a ball, a photo album, a stuffed animal, books... All items chosen specifically for the fact that they required interaction. 

Slowly, Mama's love and the presents worked their magic.

Baby B even opened up enough to do silly toddler 'tricky tricks' (ie head upside down peaking, walking silly, bonking things on her head, trying to wear Mama's sunglasses...)

While each time I left there were still tears, I am praying that when I return Baby B will still have her heart cracked open to let me in. 

Next time, my baby, that really nice lady gets to finally be your Mama forever.